Who IS the happy asshole who wrote this!? Weird.

I have tried to start this post 14 different ways, on 3 different days, in about 6 different settings, and none of them have worked. The MOST frustrating thing in the world to me is when I know precisely what I want to say, but I can’t find the words to say it.

Words are my thing. I love them. I to this day miss AIM because I feel I have no good outlet to publicly proclaim song lyrics that perfectly portray the way I’m feeling like I could with my away messages. I have a big ass word tattooed on my wrist, I’m planning a whole slew of words being tattooed somewhere on my body at some point this summer. I wear a bracelet every single day that was one of my favorite birthday gifts ever because of the words that are engraved on it. Words are my thing. And when I stumble around and can’t find the right ones, I feel a little betrayed.

This post has absolutely nothing to do with words or my weird obsession with them and quotes and lyrics and getting tatted up. I just needed to voice my frustration. Now let’s move on to what I actually came here to talk about.

The topic I originally intended to write about is this weird, sick, twisted view I have of life: When things are going well, when I feel like I’m GENUINELY happy- instead of enjoying every single moment and every single ounce of that happiness-I spend at least 50% of my time wondering when it’s all going to go to shit and exactly what is going to go wrong and leave me in shambles.

What IS that!? Why is it so hard to just BE happy!? Embrace it, run with it as fast as I can and NEVER look back or think about the alternative!?

Then today I kind of took a look around my little world and realized that I AM happy. I’m kind of loving life right now. And I got nervous.

But THEN I realized that some stuff has happened recently that had all the potential in the world to leave me in shambles, and I kind of just dealt with it, moved on, and made the decision to keep loving my life. The good has without a doubt outweighed the bad recently and it does absolutely nothing for me to suck all the good out by holding on to the shitty stuff that happens. It is what it is. You deal, you move on. You choose happiness over suckiness. That’s how happy people do it. It’s not that they live perfect, shiny lives and leave the shit for the rest of us to deal with. They get dealt their shitty hands too. And they play through them, then move on to the next hand, hoping and praying for the best and appreciating all the good that IS there. Because if you take the time to look close enough, there’s always SOME good. In everything. You just have to be willing to put in the effort to find it. And that’s what I’ve finally figured out.

To top off all the good I’ve got going on right now, my Momma is coming to visit me this weekend and I could not be more excited about it. I don’t think she’s come back to spend a weekend just the two of us since she moved to North Carolina 7 years ago and I’m THRILLED. 

Have a happy weekend full of finding the happy friends!

Tags: happy, life, loving life, Momma, words

This is the condensed version of my life currently. Enjoy!

Oh heeeeey. How’s life, everyone?? Let’s just play catch up right quick:

• I kind of love my job and have probably the best coworkers ever. We stop work sometimes to make props and take pictures for Cardinals photo contests and they buy me pretty, pretty flowers. This is one of the first times in life I can remember not HATING going to work everyday, so I’m trying to enjoy it.

• It was my birthday. I am officially no longer mid-20′s and have crossed over into late-20′s. This hurts me. However, I can tell you I had one of the best birthdays of my whole life and it made me realize how incredibly lucky I am to surround myself with the people I do. I’m kind of super blessed and need to take the time to appreciate that more often.

• I met Jen Lancaster. We are bffs and hate the same blogs and she has a friend named Capri and my middle name’s Capri and she loves dogs and I love dogs and she liked my fingernail polish and then she drew me a birthday cake.  You can be jealous now if you want. If you’re really cool and want to be bffs with Jen and I, I’ll consider it. ONLY if you’re really cool.

• This book. No. (And by no I mean I couldn’t stop reading it and have finished the entire series in less than a week. Obviously.)

• My car’s a broke down hoopty and I’m going to spend a small fortune getting it fixed. I am unamused.
• Truman moved. The experience almost killed me, but it is over now. He is completely out. Do you know what it’s like moving 80 years worth of a hoarders hoarding? NOT. FUN. But it is over. Now I just have to get him organized and unpacked in his new lil apartment. This, too, will be NOT. FUN. But it is what it is.
• My momma’s coming to visit me next weekend!!! I’m stupid excited about it.

Happy Monday everyone! I’ll be back sometime, hopefully soon, but I make no promises.

Tags: 50 Shades of Grey, broke down hoopty, Jen Lancaster, MY BIRTHDAY!!!, Truman

Hey. I’m still alive. Just thought you should know.

I neglect this blog. It’s what I do. But then there are times, like right now, where something kind of hits me and I physically cannot get here to write about it fast enough. It doesn’t make any sense, and in a way I feel like it’s completely hypocritical, but hey, it’s how I roll. I accept it, so you should too.

Lately I’ve been reading this blog borderline obsessively. (Thanks Adoug!) No, I do not have a child….at all, let alone a child with Down Syndrome, that would lead me to be interested in this blog. I do however have a strange interest in children with Downs Syndrome, Autism and the list goes on. Developmental delays intrigue me. It’s weird, I’m aware. But what interests me the most about this blog is the woman who writes it. Her outlook. Her grace. The way she presents herself, and her life, and her children. Her love. The way she writes is absolutely amazing and I feel like I need to keep reading so that hopefully just a small portion of those qualities she has will somehow manage to rub off on me.

I do LOOOOVE this baby angel. Isn't she a pretty pretty princess!?

I’ve realized lately that I need to rearrange some of my priorities and start living my life a little differently. It’s actually not always necessary for me to be the overly loud and obnoxious person in a group. Sometimes it’s good to just sit back and watch and take things in. I feel like my life is FLYING by, and I have no idea when it started going so fast or how I missed so much of it. I need to start appreciating the insanely amazing people I have in my life and the opportunities I have and find myself a better outlook on life. I’m a pretty Negative Nelly and no one likes that. Let me just clarify that my smartass attitude will NEVER go away fully, and if I’m being honest I don’t think I want it to. I’m funny y’all. BUT I can do better at finding the time and place for it. Turns out it’s NOT always appropriate. Fun fact.

So, that’s the deal. My birthday is ONE WEEK FROM TODAY (!!!!!) and I think I’m getting all introspective and cray because of that nonsense. (Twenty-five part II. I’ve made the decision to stay 25 forever. Just so you know.) But whatever the reason is, it’s legit and it’s something I need to work on. So I’ma work it. I’ll let you all know how I’m becoming a more loving, full of grace kind of lady. Should be fun.

Also, I just want this here because it's my happy place.

Tags: appreciate, blogs, Busch Stadium, life, MY BIRTHDAY!!!, Sophia

I’m making another stupid life choice.

NO.

I’m not going to drink for the next month until my birthday.

(My birthday is one month from tomorrow, FYI. Plan accordingly.)

God help us all.

 

Tags: drunk, I'm not drinking, MY BIRTHDAY!!!, Sober, What an idiot.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Guys. I went and saw Hunger Games last night. At midnight. Because I’m the coolest person you know. It was so good. I’m still geeking out over it. Go see it. Right meow.

 

 

Tags: Hunger Games, Katniss, loser, may the odds be ever in your favor, Team Gale

I’m making you accountable for holding me accountable for my actions.

Today was a CLUSTER. Work is a hot mess. Like, I’m so busy that I find myself forgetting to drink aqua and take 2.5 seconds to go to the bathroom. It’s a disaster. So instead of dealing with it like a normal human being I get STRESSED which then results in me eating a holy mother of Mexican for lunch, downing Coke like that’s my job, and immediately pouring a glass of vino when I get home. THIS. IS. NOT. OKAY.

So, tomorrow I’m getting my shit together. I’m getting up and running before work so that those happy endorphins can carry me through my day. I have everything I’m going to eat planned that will result in me staying within my calories, fat, and carbs for the day with a bonus of me also getting as much protein as I’m supposed to eat. (Is it stupid hard for anyone else to eat enough protein everyday?? No? Just me? Cool.) So anyway. I’m just telling you guys because it makes me feel like I have to do it. And also I have to do it because my roommate doesn’t believe I will and I get no greater satisfaction in life than I do from proving people wrong.

I have to go watch New Girl now and then I have to immediately go to sleep so I can be well rested and get up bright and early to begin my day of AWESOME. K. Bye.

 

Tags: awesome, healthy eating, New Girl, running, stressed

Yeah, it’s been almost a month. I don’t want to hear it. Just enjoy my presence!

Remember when I blogged? So do I. Vaguely. Verrrrry vaguely.

Alright, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been here so let me just give you a quick rundown on my life, then we can all move on like my month-long hiatus never happened, cool? Great.

• I moved. It’s been fantastic. Kayla and I are bombass roommates, always have been. It’s AMAZING to live in a clean, smoke free environment where you’re not constantly concerned about smoking+oxygen tanks resulting in your dog, grandfather, home, and earthly belongings being blown up. Seriously. Amazing. Clearly Sophia is having a really tough time with the move. Her life is incredibly hard.

 

• I’m putting a pretty legitimate effort into being a physically fit human being. I’ve started doing Couch to 5k…again. Last week I worked out every day but Friday, and that was because I was resting for a 5 mile St. Patty’s Day run on Saturday. (Okay, I walked it. But still. I got up and walked 5 miles Saturday morning and that is impressive. Shut it.) So yeah. I’m really planning to actually COMPLETE Couch to 5k this go around. That will be a first. And my goal is to actually RUN the St. Patty’s Day run next year. I’ll let you know how that goes.
• I’m also attempting to put some effort into my appearance. (Fun fact-It just took me 8 attempts to type the word appearance correctly. I SWEAR to you I’m becoming more stupid on a daily basis. It started around the middle of last week that I noticed my loss of brain cells and it’s just been downhill ever since. I’m seriously concerned about my intelligence or lack thereof.) Anyway, last Friday after work I went to dinner with the roomie and came home and happened to glance in the mirror at myself and I was HORRIFIED. I was the straight up definition of homely. My clothes were frumpy as hell and ill-fitting. I had on ZERO makeup and honestly could not have even told you the last time I had put any on. I also could not have told you the last time I took the time to blow dry my hair. I was in quite the routine of letting it air dry over night and putting it on top my head. This is not attractive. So last week I made an effort to get up and put on a legitimate outfit and wear make up to work everyday. I manned up and faced my phobia of eyes to go to the eye doctor on Friday to get new contacts. I got my pasty ass a spray tan. I went shopping this weekend for the first time in I seriously can not tell you how long and got some nice wardrobe updates. I feel operation “No One Likes a Homely Broad” is going well. I’ll be sure to keep you informed on the progress.
• I’m old. I’m so old I couldn’t even stay downtown after the run yesterday to day drink and act like an idiot. I was tired and EVERYONE annoyed me. I happily came home, watched some Bravo, and went to the mall. I’m not even mad at it. Just old.

And that’s my life. Aren’t you glad I came back to share it with you?? Wasn’t that so exciting that you don’t even know what to do with yourself?? I know. You’re welcome. See ya soon. Promise.

Tags: Couch to 5k, homely, move, physical fitness, St. Patrick's Day