Whole 30 (Also could be referred to as ARE YOU INSANE!?)

We’re going to ignore the fact I left this blog abandoned and alone for over a year and just jump right in.

I attempted a Whole30 this week. The idea behind Whole30 is to reset your body, then slowly reintroduce foods back after the 30 days to see what has a negative impact on your body & your health. While on the Whole30 you eat all real, whole, non processed foods. No dairy, grains, sugar, legumes, or booze. For 30 days.

A few things….

First, I was eating TERRIBLY before I started this. Like, just looking at last Sunday before I started (which was EXTRA bad because, you know, ONE LAST HURRAH!) I had an apple fritter for breakfast, Mexican for lunch, and Imo’s pizza for dinner. And drank two lattes and three sodas. I’m not even a huge soda drinker normally. BUT ONE LAST HURRAH! I felt like crap ALL of the time, and I know it was almost fully related to how badly I was eating and my lack of exercise.

Second, I have a ton of issues with food. I’m an emotional eater like you’ve never seen. Happy? Eat! Sad? Eat! Bored? Eat! Angry? Eat! Frustrated? Eat! Indifferent? EAT! I use food for a reward, and I use food as a punishment. And there is SO MUCH guilt associated with food for me when I go on a bender and eat all the things I know I shouldn’t. One of the biggest components of Whole30 is to heal your relationship with food. We eat because our body needs nutrition to survive. That’s it. Period. The better we eat, the better our body will function.

Third, a reminder that I live alone and am cooking for one. This means that ample amounts of produce or large batches of food are either going bad, or I’m eating them in bulk. I don’t love leftovers.

So….the moral of the story? I did a Whole5. NOT a Whole30. I couldn’t do it ya’ll. Here’s how it all went down.

Day 1

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Whole 30 describes day 1: So what’s the big deal?

It’s 3 p.m. on day 1. You had a guilt-free plate of steak and eggs for breakfast, breezed through the morning with coffee and coconut cream by your side, and had a nice big salad for lunch. Your body is telling you it’s snack time, so you grab a handful of almonds and an apple and head back to your desk to finish out your day. You’ve got a slow cooker full of chili infusing your kitchen with a heavenly smell, and right now you can’t see why anyone thinks this is hard.

My day 1 experience:

THAT. To a T! I had absolutely no problems day one. I was actually so excited to start the program & stop feeling like crap, that I think my enthusiasm and excitement just carried me through. Rainbows and butterflies, guys!

Breakfast was mini egg frittatas with compliant guac and salsa, a banana, and black coffee

Lunch was a California chicken & vegetable bowl with cauliflower rice

Dinner was homemade meatballs with compliant marinara and roasted asparagus

I drank at least 90 oz of water every day and had a cup of green tea with apple cider vinegar every night.

The first Whole30 lesson I learned came while grocery shopping. There are additives in EVERY. THING. I found ONE compliant jar of salsa and ONE compliant jar of marinara sauce in the three grocery stores I visited. There is either sugar or some type of chemical added to EVERYTHING we’re eating. This was my first take away from this experience. READ LABELS. Just because something is labeled organic, or you think something like DRIED FRUIT would only have FRUIT in it-you are wrong. Everything has sugar & chemicals and this is why we’re all going to die. (I’m not feeling dramatic about this at all.)

Day 2

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Whole30 describes days 2 & 3: The Hangover

The alarm rings on day 2 and you pop out of bed expecting the same kind of Charlie Sheen winning feeling you had yesterday. Instead, you get the other side of Charlie…you know – the pounding-head-cross-eyed-can’t-see-straight side. You know you didn’t down a fifth of tequila in your sleep, so what the heck happened?!

My day 2 experience: I felt GREAT! I genuinely expected this day to SUCK, because the hangover is supposed to directly correlate to how badly you ate before starting Whole30. And as discussed, I ate BAD. I believe that there was so much crap in my body leftover from my pre-Whole30 bender that it hadn’t even noticed the lack of sugar yet and I was still running on reserves. I was feeling pretty invincible at this point.

Breakfast was again mini egg fittatas with compliant salsa, a banana, and black coffee

Lunch was leftover meatballs with marinara, carrots, and blackberries

Dinner was spicy tuna cakes with Trader Joe’s tahini sauce, and roasted broccoli.

Day 3

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My day 3 experience: Still waiting for the hangover to kick in. I suffer from pretty bad headaches on a regular basis, so I fully expected for the headache I’d read about in every Whole30 blog I read to hit me hard. Still nothing. I even planned to work from home this morning because I was so fully expecting to feel awful. It was a really happy surprise that I didn’t feel bad at all. My biggest temptation came the evening of day 3-we had a reception at work for our volunteers and donors with a shit ton of wine and delicious appetizers. I drank water and ate plain shrimp and vegetables. It was so stupid. But, honestly, not as hard as I thought it was going to be.

Breakfast was two fried eggs, compliant bacon, a banana, and black coffee

Lunch was leftover spicy tuna cakes, TJs tahini sauce, and roasted zucchini

Dinner was a Trader Joe’s chili lime chicken burger, compliant guac, and roasted sweet potatoes.

Day 4

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Whole30 describes days 4 & 5 as: Kill ALL the things!

Day 4 dawns and you tentatively step out of bed, expecting to feel like you took a strike from Thor’s hammer in the temple. Instead, your head is surprisingly clear. Your limbs all feel functional. This could be a good day! You walk into the kitchen and as you’re greeted by the smiling face of your significant other you are suddenly overcome…with the desire to punch them in the face for smiling this early in the morning. Congratulations! You’ve made it to day 4.

My day 4 experience: KILL. ALL. THE. THINGS. I still didn’t have the headache I’d been expecting, but I hated EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. I flipped out on my dog first thing in the morning, got in a fight with the street department because they were working on the street in front of my house and ruining my life, said “WTF!?!?” to literally every email I received throughout the day, and generally was annoyed by living. I was also VERY dumb. My brain just didn’t work correctly and I could not understand very simple concepts. I was also OVER this situation. I didn’t want any of the food I had-I ate two bites of my lunch and would have rather died than finish it. So I just didn’t really eat lunch. I was also EXHAUSTED-hence my incredibly boring dinner. I had no energy to put in to making something, so I just stayed compliant and called it a day. Cravings hit HARD day 4. I would have given you all the money in my bank account and sold you my first born for some pizza. One might say this is where things started to go downhill.

Breakfast was again two fried eggs, bacon, a banana, and black coffee

Lunch was another California chicken & veggies bowl with cauliflower rice that I ate basically none of. I did make myself eat a carrot cake Larabar. It was not delicious.

Dinner was two Trader Joe’s garlic chicken sausages and a baked sweet potato with ghee

Day 5

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My day 5 experience: OVER. IT. All I did was spend my time cooking and doing dishes. THIS WAS NOT THE LIFE I IMAGINED FOR MYSELF. Here’s the deal…it was TOO MUCH to go from eating as badly as I did to eating only whole, unprocessed food ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Also, I was still in the kill all the things phase. Also, I was having some digestive issues.

I kept telling myself that this isn’t hard, having cancer is hard just like the book said. But honestly…this IS hard. It is ABSOLUTELY not having cancer hard. It’s honestly not even in the same arena. But things are allowed to still be hard if they’re not in that arena. I fully know that it’s “only” 30 days and it will make me healthier and help my relationship with food if I stick with it. But honestly, the thought of 25 more days of this sounded AWFUL and I kind of couldn’t fathom it. And my friends planned a Galentine’s Day for day 6 and I REALLY wanted to go instead of hiding in my house because I know I can’t handle temptations and stay compliant. I want to be able to live my life in a HEALTHY and HAPPY way. A way that includes a little cheese. Because cheese makes me happy. And hanging out with my friends makes me happy. And I don’t want to not be able to do those things….even for only 30 days.

So, I made the decision that 5 days was probably going to be it for me. A fully compliant Whole5 is better than nothing, and I think it’s a really great jumpstart on living a healthier version of my life. I ate a Whole30 compliant breakfast yesterday, went to boot camp (where I almost vomited and had to lay on the bathroom floor for awhile, but that’s neither here nor there), and enjoyed Galentine’s Day with my friends. I didn’t stay compliant to Whole30-but I did choose healthier options  (and ate some mac & cheese-you only live once and mac & cheese makes my life worth living!) instead of going for EVERY unhealthy option I could possibly choose like I had been doing in the past. I hit my step goal for the day, stayed within my calorie goal, and drank 90+ oz of water.

So, I’m a Whole30 failure. BUT, I did take some good lessons away from this. I’m going to be paying a lot more attention to labels, try to eat as close to Whole30 as I can during the week, and make the best choices I can otherwise. I want to live my life in a way that’s feasible for me to keep up in the long run-and I know this is just meant to be a reset-but for me I’d rather focus on getting healthy in a way that I can keep up long term.

And so it is.

 

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I’ve been in a weird funk all day-no actual reason, just one of those days where you feel like at any moment you could just burst into tears.
As I’m laying here scrolling through Facebook tonight I see a story about a 6 year old fighting a losing battle with cancer. And an 11 year old autistic boy who committed suicide because he literally couldn’t understand how to live in this world. Then I read a story about a woman whose husband died in an accident when their brand new baby was only SIX DAYS old. And of course I’m being bombarded by stories about last weeks tragedy in Paris, and the opinions of everyone I’ve ever met in my life about Syrian refugees.
Then I look around at this tiny apartment that I love, and my warm bed with the cutest dog in the whole world snuggled up next to me, and my cup of tea, and my full belly from the bigass burrito I ate for dinner, and this Kindle I’m playing on the internet on, and the job I have that lets me be able to have all these things and also gives me a sense of personal satisfaction because I’m making some kind of small difference in the world from doing it everyday. All of it just makes me feel so overwhelmed with how unbelievably lucky I am. It’s so easy to focus on the shitty parts of our life, it’s important to take a step back and realize how lucky we are sometimes.
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I’m Weak.

Right after the New Year I decided I was going to take myself off all the dating sites. And then realized I was on them ALL. Tinder, Hinge, OKCupid, Match, eHarmony….I had a profile on FIVE dating apparatuses and not one single date. It was time-consuming, and I was getting nothing out of it. So I decided I was deleting all of them, living my life, and I was going to meet someone out in the wild. People did it forever. Like, ten years ago people were almost exclusively meeting each other and falling in love out in the real world. It HAS to still be possible. And I was going to do it.

I started getting out of my car and going INTO Starbucks to get my morning coffee. Maybe I’ll meet someone in an adorable way in a Starbucks!! But you know what….normal people that I would be interested in dating are going through the drive thru. Because it’s freakin’ 2015 and we love drive thrus.

I saw a really dreamy guy at ChickFilA. We made eye contact and smiled…but how do you approach a dude at a ChickFilA!? “Hey….those waffle fries look really hot…” NO! I hear of things like people meeting at random places such as ChickFilA, but I’m CERTAIN those are urban legends. No normal person has ever walked up to a cute guy and his friends at ChickFilA and it wasn’t the creepiest thing that ever happened.

Well kids, yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I don’t actively HATE Valentine’s Day like a lot of my single sisters. I think any day that encourages people to be nicer to each other is a good thing. But I will tell you that no matter how you look at it, when you’re single Valentine’s Day is just a really unwelcome reminder of HOW single you are. And I’m the MOST single. It’s not like I have some dudes on the back burner, I don’t have any booty calls hangin’ around, I have no one pursuing me. I am as completely and utterly single as a girl can be.

Now add some alcohol to that realization. I am the MOST single, I’m drunk, and I’m looking at my social media seeing alllllll of the roses (What is it about roses that makes girls have to immediately take a picture for Facebook!? I’m not even mad, I’m just amazed by their power.) and fancy dinners, and general coupley adorableness.

And the next thing you know I’m signing up for match.com.

I immediately regretted the decision. Within 30 seconds of me signing up I receive a message from a 47 year old balding man in BFE Missouri with the username “YourPerfectPackage” telling me he’d love to take me out. NO. No, no, no, PerfectPackage.

I just feel like if I’m not DOING something about being single…I’m going to be single forever. Clearly I don’t have the chutzpah to approach someone in the wild. I wish I was the girl urban legends were made of, but clearly I’m just not. So here I am. Still living my life with the potential of meeting someone in an adorable way at a Starbucks, but also taking it to ONE online dating apparatus to see if maybe that’s the way I should go about this. I just feel like there HAS to be a Jim to my Pam out there somewhere. And when I find him and figure out what in the fuck he has been doing for all these years I’m going to be LIT.

Internet Fairies

About once a week I think to myself “Gee, I just really wish I had a successful blog.” Like the internet fairies are just going to come down from above and tap my jankety ass laptop with their magic internet fairy wand and suddenly I’ll have a successful blog where I make money just by spewing my random thoughts for the world to see. (And selling something, of course. All successful bloggers have to pedal SOMETHING.)

THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS.

Guess what you have to do to have a successful blog? BLOG. Write. Take the time to spew random thoughts for the world to see.

So here I am folks. Writing. Will this become a regular thing I do all the time so this little blog in the WordPress corner of the world becomes a place where people other than my mom, Eleanor, and Katie come to see what I’m up to? Experience says no. But hey, there’s a first time for everything, right??

If we’re being honest I’m actively working on making some positive changes in my life. I know I’ve touched on my struggle with depression before, and it’s been back to rear its ugly head recently-probably bigger and badder than it’s ever been. I’m taking the steps to overcome it (please no one freak out and call/text/send funny pictures of puppies to make sure I’m okay-I got this…but on second thought, do send the puppy pictures) and one of the things that makes me feel more like myself is writing. Whether it be writing in my personal journal, writing nonsense on the internet for other’s to read, or copying quotes that I really like onto post-its to “inspire” me….writing makes me happy. And I’ve kind of lost that lately.

So, I’m back. I’m writing. You don’t have to read it-except you three I’ve already called out. Your participation is expected.

Hopefully I’ll see you all soon. 🙂

Words and ideas can change the world.

I thought about deleting this blog and just starting fresh. But that seems like a LOT of work, and frankly I’m just too lazy for all that.

My heart is HEAVY this week and there are too many thoughts and feels for Twitter or Instagram or Facebook. So here we are. Reunited again.

Between what’s happening in Ferguson  and Robin Williams suicide, I just feel like the world is such a mess. We need to be having talks about mental health and education, and respectfully talking to each other about racism. But instead an absurdly talented and successful man took his own life because he felt like there was no other way and an entire portion of St. Louis is in upheaval in the name of justice.

I don’t know what happened to Michael Brown. In all honesty, NONE of us do. Do I think it was right? Absolutely not. Do I think vandalizing and looting, destroying an entire community, and fighting each other is going to fix the problem, bring this young man back, or change the racist minds of ignorant individuals in this country? Not at all. It breaks my heart and makes me incredibly sad for us as human beings. Being angry is okay. Wanting answers is okay. Protesting is OKAY. But the actions being taken out of that anger right now are not the solution. It’s not helping his family with the incredible loss they’re facing. It’s not bringing peace to an already unbearable situation. I don’t know what the answer is. But I know this isn’t it.

Depression is an altogether different beast. I KNOW depression first hand. It is ugly, and it makes you believe unfathomable things. The fact that someone so brilliant, so successful, with the ability to get all the help in the world was unable to beat this monster is a true testament to how powerful it really is. It’s a fight every. single. day. for those going through it. And it is HARD to find the strength to reach out for help on the days when you’re not sure if you can fight it on your own. There are resources and there are hotlines(1.800.273.8255). and there are more people willing to help than you can even imagine. And sometimes you have to let other people fight for you. But it’s WORTH IT. Fight. And when you can’t fight, reach out to someone….ANYONE…to do the fighting for you.

This world is a scary place, and I wish I knew how to fix this stuff. But I think in the end it comes down to all of us, every single person, just being a better human. Show a little more kindness to those around you. Listen to people with an open mind; have the willingness to-for one second-think of things from a view other than your own. Be good to each other and good to yourself. Because goodness and kindness matter. Always.

Really try to do this...especially when I am in my workplace because my greeting, words,  and or actions could really make a difference to someone. Either for the good or bad. Same goes when I (we) are out at the grocery store ie whatever have you...I always try or look for a way to brighten, whatever person I am talking to at the moment, there day in some way. Even if that is "extra brightness" haha. (: ♡

 

15 Thing Friday

1. SNOW DAY!!!!!!!

2. Since starting my new position at work, I have not been in the office a single Friday. I am in NO WAY upset about this. I think I may make it a goal of mine to keep this trend going and see how long I can make it. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

3. I have to move. Next weekend. I knew moving was a possibility, but it’s happened a lot quicker than anticipated. I have not packed a SINGLE thing. In fact, this house is a disaster. Whoops.

4. You’re welcome. http://www.buzzfeed.com/chelseamarshall/the-most-awkward-dogs-of-2013

This guy who doesn't care if you think he's being "rude" or "awkward."

5.  Who watched the Sound of Music last night?? I LOVE Carrie. She is flawless. But YIKES. I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen the movie or the musical, so I have nothing to compare it to. But that was BAD.

6.  I’m in the middle of the 10 day Advocare cleanse. I’m not eating clean like I’m supposed to….but the Advocare girl I work with said that’s fine. I feel lighter. It may be because I was literally eating around 5000 calories a day, and now I’m eating around 1500. But still. I feel good. The fiber drink is DISGUSTING. And the herbal cleanse pills I have to take at night smell AWFUL. But it’s really not bad. I recommend it. You’ll feel lighter.

7. This kitten is wearing underwear. (Thanks Ella!)

8. I’ve recently and inexplicably become obsessed with Courtney Kerr. Overly excited about her new show.

9. At first I planned to do laundry and start packing today. Then I realized that is NOT what snow days are about. So I’ve caught up on my programs, snuggled up on the couch, and ate pizza (all while “working” from home, obviously). I can pack all weekend. Whatevs.

10. Tinder is getting creepier and creepier. So there’s that.

11. I’m also obsessed with Amy Poehler. OBSESSED.

12. I made it through 11 things without apologizing for being so bad at blogging and being absent for so long. But now the guilt has gotten to me. I’M SORRY!

13. I’m really torn between wanting to make myself look really pretty and go out and get roaring drunk tonight, and refusing to change out of my pajamas and staying on my couch ALLLLLLL day & night. Life is full of so many hard decisions.

14. My dog is the most adorable thing in the whole world.

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15. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND MY FRIENDS!!!!

15 Thing Friday

This was drafted yesterday and apparently I forgot to post it. WHOOPS. 15 Thing Saturday. WHATEVS.

1. This. Tonight. I CANNOT WAIT.

2. This week seemed to go on forever, yes? Could not be happier to have FINALLY made it to Friday.

3.  GUYS. Next week is THANKSGIVING. What!?

4. Because next week is Thanksgiving I get to head to Tennessee to hang out with my best friend and then North Carolina to see my MOMMA next week!!! I’m so excited!!

5. Watched this video before I got out of bed yesterday. Starting your day BAWLING is exactly the way to do it.

6. Watched THIS video when I got home from work yesterday. ALSO ended in me bawling. And I don’t have kids. And I don’t think it’s supposed to make me sad. I have ALL. THE. FEELS.

7. I love Jennifer Lawrence.

8. I’ve gotten to work from home the last two Friday mornings. I cannot tell you how bombass this is. Working while laying in my bed in pajamas is EXPONENTIALLY better than doing the exact same work dressed and in the office.

9. David Freese is leaving. Thank God. SEEEE YA!!!

10. My dog turned 7 last weekend. I was kind of a wreck and forgot to throw her a birthday party. Reason 4 million that I’m not ready to have actual children.

11. Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to come up with FIFTEEN things to tell you guys!? It’s really hard.

12. I know I mentioned I made banana bread earlier this week. I’ve been just grabbing a slice and heading out the door. Today I warmed it up and put some almond butter on it and it was THE BEST THING EVER. I only have one slice left. WHY did it take me this long to make it this delicious!? I suck.

13. I have not worked out once this week. So that’s a big fat fail.

14. I’m out of things to talk to you about. Enjoy this shirtless Tim Riggins photo.Tim Riggins 6

15.  TEAM GALE.

What I Want Wednesday

Hello again, friends! Great to see you, hope you’re having an awesome week.

So a bunch of the blogs I follow have a catchy little post on Wednesdays….the most popular seem to be “What I Ate Wednesday” or “WTF Wednesday.”

I eat my breakfast in the car on the way to work (although I’m nomming on Low Fat Banana Bread (minus nuts…no thanks) from Skinnytaste this week and it is THE BOMB), I have a frozen meal for lunch, and odds are I’m eating cereal for dinner tonight. NOT the ideal blog post. Although it sounds like focusing on eating in a more nutritious manner should probably be a blog topic of its own. Yikes!

I could FOR SURE do a WTF Wednesday post because I wonder WTF is going on around me at least 47 times a day. But I already stole 15 Thing Friday from Cely, and she’s probably going to sue me for trying to recreate her blog soon if I don’t knock it off. So that’s out too.

Turns out, I want a bunch of stuff. So I’ve decided to go with a What I Want Wednesday post. Let’s not get crazy, I probably won’t be back with another for about a month. But I’m here today, so let’s treasure the time we get to spend together by talking about the stuff I want.

1. High boot socks. I think this look is ADORABLE and I need to rock it. I love the cheap boot socks, and I love the more expensive boot socks. And everything in-between. I’m not picky. Moral of the story is I need ALL the boot socks.

2. A sassy new work bag. I just started in a new position at work that entails dragging my laptop and planner and notebooks and 2 million other things to meetings out of the office all the time. This clearly means I need an adorable new bag to tote all these items around in. I’m really leaning towards purchasing this bag. But if someone wants to throw down some for my cause to get me this bag I def won’t be upset. Think about it.

3. An adorable monogrammed phone case. I haven’t really jumped on the monogram train up until this point. But now I’m IN. Want.

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Happy Wednesday kids!

Make It a Life You Love

Well hey there babes. Hope we’re all doing well. I am actively working on making my life a happy place starting today. Writing makes me happy, I don’t do it enough. So here I am.

Yesterday was spent under the covers, having a full on “woe is me” day. I was the WORST. I didn’t even want to hang out with myself. Last night I obsessively watched a ton of TED talks, bought a self help book, and decided that shit ended there.

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So today I got up and actively worked to make it a good day. I made myself a bombass breakfast and crawled back in bed for like an hour to eat and drink my coffee. Went to church, where the sermon touched on how unattractive negative, judgemental, cynical people are…good one big G, I GET IT. Took a quick little trip to Target, my happy place. Came home and decided that although I make no secret of how inappropriate I think it is to decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving, I needed a little Christmas cheer; so I proceeded to deck my halls.

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I took a sweet nap. I ate an unGodly amount of macaroni and cheese for dinner. I made banana bread to have for breakfast this week. I just painted my nails my favorite color, and now I’m watching one of my favorite movies.

I’M MAKING IT A LIFE I WANT TO LIVE. Somehow last night it just seemed to click. That’s all you can do. Make your life a place that you want to be. So that’s what I’m doing. And here I am.

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Have a good week loves!

Dang.

Y’all. That post yesterday was NOT meant to be that dramatic. I have caused a panic among my friends, and while I REALLY do appreciate how much people care about me, that was NOT my intent! I really am fine, I promise. I just have a little work to do to get me to really good. And I would much rather be really good than just fine.

I should have just had a full post of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures yesterday. I knew it.

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Tim Riggins

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This is basically the holy grail of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures.
This is basically the holy grail of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures.