The charade is over.

Guys. I’m a mess. Like mentally I’m just fucked up currently. It’s basically your quintessential quarter life crisis. Everyone I know has started their career and they’re in relationships, or meeting people, or getting married, or having kids. And I’m not. Doing ANY of that. I am unemployed, AGAIN. Have no idea what I want to do with my life and will most likely die alone, as a crazy dog lady.

I gave myself this weekend to wallow in my misery. Only leaving my house to go and meet this little nugget.

Let’s take it back a little. I’ve said basically since I can remember that I do not want kids. I do not like them, I do not want them, no. Then things starting going downhill.

My friend Bacon had a baby. He. Is. AWESOME. I thought he was just going to be the exception to the rule and would be the one tiny human that I could be cool with. We were pretty tight. We hung out regularly, I talked to him like a normal human because I have no idea how to talk to children in appropriate child-like ways, I would even share my queso rice with him at the Mexican restaurant-THAT’S a big deal. It was cool because Eli was seriously cool. So I accepted that I would be homies with one child in my life.

Well then this summer another one of my amigos procreated. I went to see baby Georgia the day she got home from the hospital. She was the newest person I had ever met and I LOVED her. She was amazing. I left their apartment and told my best friend, “I could have one of those one day.” WHAT!? This sent me into a week-long identity crisis. WHO AM I!? I am not the girl who thinks she could have one of those one day. I don’t EVER want one of THOSE. That’s who I am. The girl who doesn’t like kids. Shit. Identity=Ruined.

I hadn’t really thought much about the entire situation until recently. My friend Lauren, one of my best friends since HIGH SCHOOL and her husband, who I’ve known since KINDERGARTEN were having a babay.

A few things here….a. When did we get old enough that people were legitimately married and had jobs and a house and it wasn’t a huge scandal for them to be knocked up?? Like, this kid is totally not a bastard in any way and I’m baffled by it. b. Seriously, how did we get this old?

Anyway, in the last few weeks my days have almost always involved checking in to find out the progress on our little bundle of joy and his mom. She was SO ready for him to get here, and so was I because I felt miserable for her. Then, on Friday, he was here. Holy. Shit. Lauren and Ryan have a BABY. So Saturday I drug myself from my hole of “woe is me” and went to meet my new little friend.

You guys. He. Is. Perfect. Seriously, I fell in love immediately. He’s so soft and his ears are so teensy and he has such tiny little old man hands. I just love him. (Sidenote-I think you should all know that I had a typo there and originally wrote ,”I love me.” Arrogant much? What an asshole.)

The moral of this story? I think it’s time to suck it up and openly admit to the world that I LIKE BABIES. My entire persona has been ruined and I have to figure out a new one now. But at least I’ve finally admitted it.

I AM A BABY PERSON.

Stupid.

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3 thoughts on “The charade is over.

  1. I never want kids either. However, I will go out of my way to hold a friend’s baby. I love their chubby cheeks, and legs and the overall newness of them. However, I love the fact that I can get all my baby snuggles, and then go home with my animals and not worry about raising a child. It’s not that I don’t like kids, it’s just I don’t want the reality of having my own.

    So maybe your WHOLE identity isn’t shattered. Good luck! 😉

    • Dude. This is how I should be. But I think it’s my only child syndrome coming out. Everyone else has one, so I’m going to need to have one of my own too. What a brat.

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