Who IS the happy asshole who wrote this!? Weird.

I have tried to start this post 14 different ways, on 3 different days, in about 6 different settings, and none of them have worked. The MOST frustrating thing in the world to me is when I know precisely what I want to say, but I can’t find the words to say it.

Words are my thing. I love them. I to this day miss AIM because I feel I have no good outlet to publicly proclaim song lyrics that perfectly portray the way I’m feeling like I could with my away messages. I have a big ass word tattooed on my wrist, I’m planning a whole slew of words being tattooed somewhere on my body at some point this summer. I wear a bracelet every single day that was one of my favorite birthday gifts ever because of the words that are engraved on it. Words are my thing. And when I stumble around and can’t find the right ones, I feel a little betrayed.

This post has absolutely nothing to do with words or my weird obsession with them and quotes and lyrics and getting tatted up. I just needed to voice my frustration. Now let’s move on to what I actually came here to talk about.

The topic I originally intended to write about is this weird, sick, twisted view I have of life: When things are going well, when I feel like I’m GENUINELY happy- instead of enjoying every single moment and every single ounce of that happiness-I spend at least 50% of my time wondering when it’s all going to go to shit and exactly what is going to go wrong and leave me in shambles.

What IS that!? Why is it so hard to just BE happy!? Embrace it, run with it as fast as I can and NEVER look back or think about the alternative!?

Then today I kind of took a look around my little world and realized that I AM happy. I’m kind of loving life right now. And I got nervous.

But THEN I realized that some stuff has happened recently that had all the potential in the world to leave me in shambles, and I kind of just dealt with it, moved on, and made the decision to keep loving my life. The good has without a doubt outweighed the bad recently and it does absolutely nothing for me to suck all the good out by holding on to the shitty stuff that happens. It is what it is. You deal, you move on. You choose happiness over suckiness. That’s how happy people do it. It’s not that they live perfect, shiny lives and leave the shit for the rest of us to deal with. They get dealt their shitty hands too. And they play through them, then move on to the next hand, hoping and praying for the best and appreciating all the good that IS there. Because if you take the time to look close enough, there’s always SOME good. In everything. You just have to be willing to put in the effort to find it. And that’s what I’ve finally figured out.

To top off all the good I’ve got going on right now, my Momma is coming to visit me this weekend and I could not be more excited about it. I don’t think she’s come back to spend a weekend just the two of us since she moved to North Carolina 7 years ago and I’m THRILLED. 

Have a happy weekend full of finding the happy friends!

This is the condensed version of my life currently. Enjoy!

Oh heeeeey. How’s life, everyone?? Let’s just play catch up right quick:

  • I kind of love my job and have probably the best coworkers ever. We stop work sometimes to make props and take pictures for Cardinals photo contests and they buy me pretty, pretty flowers. This is one of the first times in life I can remember not HATING going to work everyday, so I’m trying to enjoy it.
  • It was my birthday. I am officially no longer mid-20’s and have crossed over into late-20’s. This hurts me. However, I can tell you I had one of the best birthdays of my whole life and it made me realize how incredibly lucky I am to surround myself with the people I do. I’m kind of super blessed and need to take the time to appreciate that more often.
  • I met Jen Lancaster. We are bffs and hate the same blogs and she has a friend named Capri and my middle name’s Capri and she loves dogs and I love dogs and she liked my fingernail polish and then she drew me a birthday cake.  You can be jealous now if you want. If you’re really cool and want to be bffs with Jen and I, I’ll consider it. ONLY if you’re really cool.
  • This book. No. (And by no I mean I couldn’t stop reading it and have finished the entire series in less than a week. Obviously.)
  • My car’s a broke down hoopty and I’m going to spend a small fortune getting it fixed. I am unamused.
  • Truman moved. The experience almost killed me, but it is over now. He is completely out. Do you know what it’s like moving 80 years worth of a hoarders hoarding? NOT. FUN. But it is over. Now I just have to get him organized and unpacked in his new lil apartment. This, too, will be NOT. FUN. But it is what it is.
  • My momma’s coming to visit me next weekend!!! I’m stupid excited about it.

Happy Monday everyone! I’ll be back sometime, hopefully soon, but I make no promises.