Who IS the happy asshole who wrote this!? Weird.

I have tried to start this post 14 different ways, on 3 different days, in about 6 different settings, and none of them have worked. The MOST frustrating thing in the world to me is when I know precisely what I want to say, but I can’t find the words to say it.

Words are my thing. I love them. I to this day miss AIM because I feel I have no good outlet to publicly proclaim song lyrics that perfectly portray the way I’m feeling like I could with my away messages. I have a big ass word tattooed on my wrist, I’m planning a whole slew of words being tattooed somewhere on my body at some point this summer. I wear a bracelet every single day that was one of my favorite birthday gifts ever because of the words that are engraved on it. Words are my thing. And when I stumble around and can’t find the right ones, I feel a little betrayed.

This post has absolutely nothing to do with words or my weird obsession with them and quotes and lyrics and getting tatted up. I just needed to voice my frustration. Now let’s move on to what I actually came here to talk about.

The topic I originally intended to write about is this weird, sick, twisted view I have of life: When things are going well, when I feel like I’m GENUINELY happy- instead of enjoying every single moment and every single ounce of that happiness-I spend at least 50% of my time wondering when it’s all going to go to shit and exactly what is going to go wrong and leave me in shambles.

What IS that!? Why is it so hard to just BE happy!? Embrace it, run with it as fast as I can and NEVER look back or think about the alternative!?

Then today I kind of took a look around my little world and realized that I AM happy. I’m kind of loving life right now. And I got nervous.

But THEN I realized that some stuff has happened recently that had all the potential in the world to leave me in shambles, and I kind of just dealt with it, moved on, and made the decision to keep loving my life. The good has without a doubt outweighed the bad recently and it does absolutely nothing for me to suck all the good out by holding on to the shitty stuff that happens. It is what it is. You deal, you move on. You choose happiness over suckiness. That’s how happy people do it. It’s not that they live perfect, shiny lives and leave the shit for the rest of us to deal with. They get dealt their shitty hands too. And they play through them, then move on to the next hand, hoping and praying for the best and appreciating all the good that IS there. Because if you take the time to look close enough, there’s always SOME good. In everything. You just have to be willing to put in the effort to find it. And that’s what I’ve finally figured out.

To top off all the good I’ve got going on right now, my Momma is coming to visit me this weekend and I could not be more excited about it. I don’t think she’s come back to spend a weekend just the two of us since she moved to North Carolina 7 years ago and I’m THRILLED. 

Have a happy weekend full of finding the happy friends!


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