In these bodies we will live. In these bodies we will die. Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

Holy blog silence, huh? If you’ve been around these parts for a while, this really wasn’t anything new. It’s like the good ol’ days around here.

Let’s just get the serious stuff out-of-the-way. My Grandpa passed away almost two weeks ago. I believe he has his own tag on the blog, this clearly shows his importance in my life. It was a ROUGH week that first week, kind of got back into my routine the middle of last week but I’ve still kind of been a mess…I feel like this week I’m actually going to get myself back together. I’ve got a good feeling about it.

Seriously, one of the only pictures I own of me and Truman. I know I’ve used it before but just can’t care. Leave me alone.

So, stating the obvious….I’ve been eating like shit and I haven’t worked out. I was having bad days. Duh. GET OFF ME.

I’m in a wedding next Saturday, and obviously I’m not going to lose any weight by then. I’m not an idiot. I know this. But I do plan to eat well this week and workout regularly to at least feel better by then. I currently feel like hell. I’m bloated, my skin is broken out, I’m clearly not drinking enough water. Basically just disastrous overall. So my goal is not to drop any lbs but to feel like a real life person by next week. I shall keep you updated on my progress as the week goes on.

I hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend. I missed you.

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Weekend recapppppp. Fun+lazy=YES.

Hi friends! Just wanted to swing by and say ‘ello. Catch you up on my life, see what’s going on with ya’ll. I had a pretty glorious weekend…a nice little mix of fun and sitting on my ass doing nothinnnnnng.

Friday night was Luke Bryan and Jason Aldean. It did NOT disappoint. I’ve got the sads summer country concerts are over. Hurts my heart a bit.

Saturday I was awoken bright and early by the worst charlie horse OF. MY. LIFE. Then I couldn’t go back to sleep, which made me INCREDIBLY sad. Hung out on my couch with a scoche of a hangover until noon, then got up and went wedding dress shopping with the roomie. Came home, got myself together and went to go see my child-friend Braden, then headed out for a girls night with my high school palskis. Saw Possession. I love fall and I love scary movies. Good night.

Saw this gorgeous sunset while we waited for a table at dinner. Sometimes life is pretty.

This morning there were no charlie horses in sight, so I slept in then got up and started laundry and picked up around the apartment. Had a bit of a health scare with my cousin’s mom (FYI…my family is weird. My mom is an only child, but my Grandma had 13 brothers and sisters so I have about one billion second cousins and what not. I also have some of my mom’s friends and some of her cousins who I call aunts. It’s all very confusing. Don’t try to understand when I discuss family members.), who is still not out of the woods, so if you guys could keep her in your thoughts or prayers or whatever you happen to believe in, that would be really great.

I think I’ve got it together to have a good, healthy week this week. House is clean. Laundry is done and put away. Healthy groceries are purchased, and meals are planned. Workouts are scheduled for the week and clothes will be set out before I leave for work every morning. I’ve got a good feeling about me getting my life together again this week. LET’S DO THIS!!!

Baby Angel helped fold and put away laundry.

How were your weekends, friends? Anyone do anything fun they want to share with the group?

Hope everyone has a glorious week!

15 Thing Friday

1. Guys. Get ready for what I’m about to help you imagine. It is literally one of the funniest things I’ve ever visualized. A HIPPOPOTAMUS EATING A PEANUT BETTER AND JELLY SANDWICH!!!!! Ahhahahahahahahaaha. You’re welcome.

2. I went to a Jason Mraz concert on Tuesday. Did ya’ll know Jason Mraz is sexy? Yeah, me either. BUT HE IS. Yowza.

I think its the fedoras….

3. Speaking of sex pots, I am going to see Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan tonight. LUKE BRYAN. YUM.

4. Ugh. I’m a disaster again this week friends. I don’t know WHY, a few weeks ago I was ON IT. Eating really well, working out every day, blogging daily, basically just being amazeballs at life. Since then I CANNOT get it together. I just don’t know what the deal is. I’ll think it over while I’m drinking heavily and eating pretty awfully this weekend and report back.

5. IT IS SO FALL OUTSIDE. It is cold and cloudy, and I am HAPPY. I’m wearing boots and a sweater to the concert tonight and I am JOYFUL about it!

6. I am in a wedding 3 weeks from tomorrow. I’VE GOTTA STOP WITH THE FATTY FATS BEHAVIOR. Not fitting in a bridesmaids dress would be EMBARRASSING.

7. THIS

8. Also, this.

9. They brought the World Series trophy to my office this week. So that’s basically awesome.

10. Let’s talk about HOW FUNNY I was Tuesday night, AND I was sober. That rarely happens. It made me pretty happy to know it’s still possible.

11. We’ve had our windows open at our apartment for almost an entire week now. This makes me ecstatic because a. our power bill was ABSURD all summer, one week with NO AC is going to be glorious. and b. I sleep SO GOOD when my windows are open. Win-win.

12. Season 4 of True Blood. WTF!? Things are completely ridiculous and out of hand I don’t even know what’s going on. Witches? Nice Eric/Normal Eric? Jessica/Hoyte/Jason? Lafayette thinking he’s some woman ghost with a bebe!? WHAT IS GOING ON????? Nothing makes sense.

Except this. This ALWAYS makes sense.

13. I’m going to be honest with you…..we have zero supervision at work today, it’s gloomy outside, I’m only working a half day, and all of these things are resulting in my inability to focus on ANYTHING. I can’t believe I could keep it together long enough to write this. You’re all welcome.

14. I’m going to the beach for Christmas. This makes me more joyful than ANYTHING else I’ve already told you makes me joyful today. SO MUCH JOY.

15. My new mantra in life is this: It’s life. Live it. Fuck it. I encourage you to try it out yourself. Just live it guys, don’t worry about shit. When you start to worry about shit, I urge you to say fuck it and get back to living life. IT’S WORKING OUT WONDERFULLY!

HAVE SUCH A GOOD WEEKEND FRIENDS!!!!

Today I became a cat lady.

I don’t like cats. I tell this to anyone and everyone. I’m honestly a little obnoxious about it. Well, thanks to this broad, I’ve spent  my day cracking up over stupid cat videos. Annnnnnd, now I’m a cat lady. So that’s cool. As if I don’t have enough going against me, let’s add cat lady into the mix. I’m TOTALLY not going to die alone. WOMP. WOMP. Let me share with you how this rapid downward spiral took place, shall I?

Pudge is grumpy and I LOVE it.
Li’l Bub is a FOREVER KITTEN who always has surprised eyes and an open mouth. LOVE.
Pudge and Li’l Bub are FRIENDS!!!

Annnnnnd then there is Maru. I truly believe this cat is crazy enough to murder us all. AND I LOVE IT.

Now go watch Maru on YouTube. You’re all so welcome for all the joy I just brought to your life. But I still don’t like cats….

You probably won’t want to be my friend after this…

Alright kids, I think now is the time for me to tell you about something. I feel like we’re becoming pretty good friends and it’s time for me to open up to you. It’s something I fully recognize I should be embarrassed of, but I’m just not. It’s somewhat of an addiction, and I hear that recognizing that is the first step to recovery. But if I’m being honest, I don’t want to recover. And I blame Chris Harrison.

Okay. Here it goes. I am obsessed with the Bachelor franchise. I love it. I can’t get enough of it. It’s like a car accident. I know I should look away, but I just can’t turn away from the crash and the flames and the emergency responders. I have to see how this shitshow ends. Every. Single. Season. The Bachelor. The Bachelorette. Bachelor Pad. I LOVE IT ALL.

Now here’s where I should REALLY get ashamed. I APPLIED TO BE A CONTESTANT ON THE BACHELOR. Yeah. I legit made an audition tape, filled out the application, sent it in, and WAS NEVER CONTACTED. The fuck, Chris Harrison!? I’m offended. Every week when I’m getting my Bachelor/ette/Pad fix and the commercial comes on at the end where Mr. Harrison asks if I think I could be on the next season of the Bachelor I get LIT and yell at him about how yes, I DO, and that’s why I sent in all that shit. BUT NO ONE CALLED ME! That’s f’ing rude.

Am I bat shit crazy enough for ya’ll yet? Once again I want to reiterate that I fully acknowledge that a. this is a problem and b. this is something I should not tell ANYONE about because it’s embarrassing. But I just really felt like it was something you guys needed to know about. It’s who I am, and I won’t hide it from you any longer. I LOVE THE BACHELOR AND I LOVE CHRIS HARRISON.

Now STFU. The finale is on.

“If you don’t like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.”

Time to make some changes. I AM NOT A TREE.

So here’s the deal ya’ll, if I am remotely stressed or busy or my days are jacked up and I’m not able to stick to a steady routine for whatever reason, I tend to say f it and start shoving shitty food in my mouth and forget what exercise even is. I recognize this is straight BS and if broads like this hottie can seem to figure it out with two chillruns, while working full-time, having a husband, and looking good, I need to man up and shove the excuses. Let me just tell you my excuses though! Last week I didn’t work on Monday-Routine messed up. Worked late Tuesday-Not in my normal routine. Went to a Cardinals game Wednesday-How do I make this part of my routine!? Unexpectedly got peer pressured into drinking on Thursday-I REALLY did try to get my life together on Thursday, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out. You’ll have that. By Friday I was just done with the week and didn’t even make any attempts at being a healthy individual. Yesterday I ate shit and accidentally got day drunk and by last night the entire week caught up to me and I was ILL. I haven’t felt that sick in a long time and it was MISERABLE.

No, KAREN. I’m SICK.

Today I did not eat until 1 PM because I was still so full and sick from yesterday. (And maybe the entire week of food I couldn’t stop shoveling into my face hole? Maybe?) I cannot drink enough water. I went grocery shopping and am now loaded up on healthy things to nom on this week. I have a healthy potato soup cooking in the crock pot for dinner.  As soon as I hit publish on this post I’m taking my dog friend for a long walk. Laundry is done for the week and just needs to be put away. Progress, my friends. Progress.

I know going into this week there are going to be some challenges sticking to my eating well and working out regularly-two concerts and sand volleyball is on the schedule already, who knows what will pop up to mess up my plans mid-week. But I feel like knowing what I’m up against and going into this week prepared is putting me in a position to be successful. Not to mention I am spending Friday evening with Luke Bryan, who GOD BLESS IT, is good-looking. So clearly I need to look my best.

Have a great week friends! I’ll keep you updated on how great I’m doing at life.

15 Thing Friday

1. I have SUCKED at blogging, and kind of life in general this week. I went home yesterday after work feeling like my life was a complete and utter disaster, so I took a nap. (Obvious choice to fix things. Duh) Then I got up, 30 Day Shredded, showered, cleaned up my apartment that looked like a tornado had gone through it, finally made those damn spinach lasagna rolls for dinner, and planned to lay on my couch and watch True Blood and be asleep by 10 pm. Instead my neighbor and one of my college pals who lives in Oklahoma and I haven’t seen in YEARS came over. And I drank. Heavily. WHOOPS. Bad life choices are where it’s at this week apparently. Shoot.

2. In the spirit of sucking at life, I’ve made the executive decision to just continue eating awfully and not beating myself up for exercising this weekend. If I do it, awesome. If I don’t, life will go on. Monday I’ll get back at it. Pinky swear.

3. I got paid to go sit in a suite at the Cardinals game on Wednesday. Sometimes I cannot complain about my job.

4. I’m like a bottomless pit this week. There is not enough food in this world to make me full. Particularly carbohydrates. GIMME BREAD!

5. I accidentally typed 53 and lol’ed. That’s not even funny. I’m dumb.

6. I curled my hair today, which in all honesty takes about 5 extra minutes than when I straighten it. Everyone who has seen me today has FREAKED OUT. Maybe I should make the effort on a more regular basis.

7.  My dog has been extra lazy lately. Typically when I wake up she’s snuggled up next to me and when I say “You ready to get up!?” she bounds off the bed and tap dances around in front of the door. This week she’s just looked at me like I’m a friggin’ IDIOT and she doesn’t even have time for my nonsense. Her mean mugging is out of hand.

8. One of my best friends is getting married in LESS THAN A MONTH. This is super weird. Another one of my really good friends is having a baby friend and finds out the sex in a few weeks. WHY AM I SO OLD!?

9.  Our volleyball game this week was a. HOT AS BALLS and b. played against this stupid competitive team that apparently all played college volleyball. It was not fun for anyone. Don’t join a rec league if you’re super serious. You’ll ruin everyone’s day.

10. Someone pooped on the bathroom floor at work yesterday. I work with all adults. This is NOT okay.

11.  Someone got stabbed in St. Louis over a bag Cheetos this week. Keepin’ it classy, ya’ll. Keepin’ it classy.

12. Guess what I realized while watching the VMAs last night? I’m too old to watch the VMAs. I didn’t know who half the people were. I did not enjoy the majority of what happened. It was pretty sad. As my friend Troy said, we’re just not hip enough anymore.

13.  I need either a second job or a sugar daddy stat. SO. MANY. CUTE. FALL. CLOTHES. I need a wardrobe update and I need it soon. Someone make my autumn dreams come true.

14. It rains basically every day around these parts now. I’m not even mad at it. Although it results in me taking far more naps than is necessary.

15. HAVE THE BEST WEEKEND EVER FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!

It’s not who you want to spend Friday night with, it’s who you want to spend all day Saturday with. (But I’d also prefer to stop spending Friday nights alone…)

I feel like I flippantly refer to my mental instability and belief I’m going to die alone around here on a pretty regular basis and ya’ll probably deserve a little bit more information about this.

So, here’s the deal. a. I’m mentally unstable. and b. I believe I’m going to die alone as a crazy dog lady. There ya go. HA.

No, but for real. I genuinely love my life. I’ve really gotten my shit together in the last year, and I’m happy with the way things are going. But about once a month (PMSing is AWESOME) if I happen to be left alone, I get in my own head a little too much and recently this has resulted in me having a few emotional breakdowns and crying for approximately 5-7 hours.

I truly don’t think I’m going to die alone. Deep down I honestly do believe that someday I am going to find some idiot who won’t completely annoy me and I will sucker him into thinking I’m not completely crazy, obnoxious, and douchey and convince him he wishes to spend the rest of his days with me. And we will live happily ever after. It just starts to be a little much for me when I’m sitting at home alone on a Friday night watching romantic comedies and I start thinking about how I am seriously one of the ONLY single people I know, ya know?

SHUT UP, Katherine Heigl, you stupid liar!!

Patience, I hear, is a virtue. I wouldn’t know because I don’t have any. I want what I want and I want it IMMEDIATELY. (Only child syndrome?? Noooooo….) I will be the first person to tell you that up until recently I was absolutely not in any place to be in any type of serious relationship. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or what I was doing with my life. In the last year I have grown up TREMENDOUSLY and have figured a lot of those things out. And I really honestly believe that figuring all that out has put me in a place that makes me ready to actually meet someone. So, I cannot fathom why said person has not immediately shown up in my life, at the exact moment I became ready for him? It does not make sense.

If you tell me that I’m too picky, and I find something wrong with everyone I ever meet in life, and that I’m loveable but don’t want to love anyone because of said ability to find something wrong with everyone, or anything along any of those lines, I’ma shank you. Shut up. Not even true. No one is even showing an interest in me to give me the chance to find a minuscule thing about them that annoys me and completely blow it out of proportion, so shut your face hole.

So anyway, I’m single and ready to mingle. I’m sure after this rant you’re all going to be lining UP to set your friends up with me. Here’s the deal, I’m looking for someone who looks like Ryan Gosling, has a fabulous sense of humor, finds me f’ing hysterical, and is incredibly wealthy so I can spend the rest of my days as his trophy wife. I don’t think this is asking too much.

I kid, I kid. But seriously, if you know someone, HOLLER.

I bet your Labor Day weekend isn’t as awesome as mine.

It’s the freakin’ weekennnnnd! Instead of having some fun I am refusing to leave my home like a hermit. Well, if I’m being honest, I do think this is fun. Holllllllllla!

Yesterday I worked a lovely little halfsie day at work, went shopping, ate like shit, Red Box-ed some chick flicks, did not even consider working out, had a Hunter Hayes style emotional meltdown about dying alone, and drank an entire bottle of red wine by myself. I want to call this a win, but I just can’t quite take it there. It was a day.

This morning I woke up and went for a run before Isaac got here for the day. I find it kind of fabulous that this summer was hotter than f’ing Hades and did not rain AT ALL, and the ceremonious end of summer Labor Day long weekend is a rainy disaster. I kind of love it. Rainy days are the best days for holing up in your house doing NOTHING and I’m into it.

The rest of my plans for the day include laying on my couch watching The Hills marathon that MTV has so kindly provided for me today, napping (potentially more than once….), 30 Day Shredding at some point, potentially indulging in yet another bottle of wine, and going to bed at like 8 pm. Who doesn’t want my life!?!?

Have a great Labor Day weekend pals!