Alright kids, I think now is the time for me to tell you about something. I feel like we’re becoming pretty good friends and it’s time for me to open up to you. It’s something I fully recognize I should be embarrassed of, but I’m just not. It’s somewhat of an addiction, and I hear that recognizing that is the first step to recovery. But if I’m being honest, I don’t want to recover. And I blame Chris Harrison.
Okay. Here it goes. I am obsessed with the Bachelor franchise. I love it. I can’t get enough of it. It’s like a car accident. I know I should look away, but I just can’t turn away from the crash and the flames and the emergency responders. I have to see how this shitshow ends. Every. Single. Season. The Bachelor. The Bachelorette. Bachelor Pad. I LOVE IT ALL.
Now here’s where I should REALLY get ashamed. I APPLIED TO BE A CONTESTANT ON THE BACHELOR. Yeah. I legit made an audition tape, filled out the application, sent it in, and WAS NEVER CONTACTED. The fuck, Chris Harrison!? I’m offended. Every week when I’m getting my Bachelor/ette/Pad fix and the commercial comes on at the end where Mr. Harrison asks if I think I could be on the next season of the Bachelor I get LIT and yell at him about how yes, I DO, and that’s why I sent in all that shit. BUT NO ONE CALLED ME! That’s f’ing rude.
Am I bat shit crazy enough for ya’ll yet? Once again I want to reiterate that I fully acknowledge that a. this is a problem and b. this is something I should not tell ANYONE about because it’s embarrassing. But I just really felt like it was something you guys needed to know about. It’s who I am, and I won’t hide it from you any longer. I LOVE THE BACHELOR AND I LOVE CHRIS HARRISON.
Now STFU. The finale is on.