I don’t completely suck at life. So this is an improvement.

Hey ya’ll! Just wanted to stop by before we got a month in and I forget about you again. Still sorry about that, btw. I have abandonment issues. I understand how hard this must be for you guys. I’ll do better. Pinky swear.

So, I went to the gym Friday. Ate really well. Was basically awesome at the living.

Got up early Saturday and went to the gym before binge drinking and going to a wedding. Did not eat healthy in any way. Drank enough calories for probably 6 people. I’m not calling this a failure because I want to reiterate to you I GOT UP EARLY AND WENT TO THE GYM. That’s like a miracle from bebe Jesus!! F off haters, I’m proud.

Sunday I was literally the most worthless human on this planet. Spent A LOT of time laying in my bed. Did manage to make it to the grocery store to get healthy groceries for the week. Then stopped at Taco Bell for dinner on the way home. You win some, you lose some. I lost this one…


Today I was AWESOME at life. Got up on time. Ate healthy all day. Went to the gym after work. I may have accidentally gotten Jimmy John’s for dinner instead of making something homemade and healthy like I was supposed to, but I was still WELL within my calories for the day, so I just can’t even be mad about that. My bag is already all packed for the gym tomorrow. I’m putting buffalo chicken chili in the crock pot before I leave for work. I’m awesome at being awesome.

So, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got for you. Nothing exciting in any way. But I needed you to know I didn’t forget about you. Also, I’m working on a post that may become a series of posts on how to be a mother f’ing lady. That’s right. Because I know about those things. And I wish to pass my wisdom on to you. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Happy Monday friends. See you soon!


Let us be thankful and not mad at me for sucking.

Holy Mother of Jesus. In the name of Thanksgiving and the holiday season, let us choose to be THANKFUL that I am here, writing a blog post for the first time in far too long and not talk shit on how bad I am at having a blog. Deal? Great!

It has been almost EXACTLY a month since I’ve been here, so let me just catch you up on my life right quick. A bulleted list, you say you’d like to see? Your wish is my command, friends.

  • It was Halloween. I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Donatello. The smartest turtle. Obviously.) and my dog was a pig…in a tutu. On Halloween the roomie and I hid from trick or treaters, drank wine, ate candy, and watched Hocus Pocus. Then I had to go to bed at like 8 pm because I ate candy all day and gave myself a tummy ache. One day, I’ll be a grown up.


  • I got my wisdom teeth pulled. And then the next day, I got some weird stomach flu situation and threw up for a day and half. It was AWESOME.
  • Barack won the election. This made me joyful.
  • My dog turned 6. So of course I had a birthday party for her complete with all of her dog friends, decorations, party hats, a dog cake, candles, and forcing everyone to sing the happy birthday song to her. Duh.


  • Acted real grown and got myself a doctor this week, just because I feel like when you’re a grown up you should have one of those. Found out I am officially overweight and have a high cholesterol. I’m 26. Soooooo, that sucks.
  • It was Thanksgiving. The first without Truman’s bah humbug self. And my mom was in NC all by herself and I was here. It was kind of a sad little holiday. I spent the day with my best frienn and her family, and I’m real glad they take me in every year. Also, every time I would tell someone what an orphan I was for Thanksgiving, they would invite me to their Thanksgiving. It made me feel real popular and stuff. So that’s neat.
SHOCKED we didn’t dress like twins on Thanksgiving.

So I believe this catches you up on what’s happened around these parts. I gave myself until today to eat crappy and be a lazy bum because it was the holiday. Now I have to start eating like a real life person and going to the gym. BLAH! Here I go to the gym. I’m not happy about this, but I am doing it. No one has time for high cholesterol at 26. NO ONE!

Happy Holidays friends!!!