When I make any big changes in my life, I feel like it always leads to me taking a look at my life; where I am, where I want to be going, my relationships. Blah, blah, blah.
I’ve been kind of a miserable bitch the last week or so. I haven’t been taking care of myself physically or emotionally and I can tell a HUGE difference in the way I’m treating people around me. I don’t feel good about myself, and I’m putting that onto everyone who is unfortunate enough to come in contact with me. I took today to kind of get my life and myself together, and to reevaluate some things that I want to be doing.
I’m starting to feel somewhat complacent. I feel like I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t have any goals that I’m working towards, any ambitions, anything really. Recently I’ve started to notice how much I admire people around me who are clearly driven, and it’s made me take a hard look at myself and realize that I’m currently not one of those people. I never want to be someone who stays where they are without any drive to do more with their life. So I’m going to make some changes on that end. I need to start writing more…both here and for myself. I had looked into doing some freelance type writing in the past, and that’s something I plan to pursue again. I’m seriously considering going back to school in the fall. It is LONG over due. My job is in a weird place of restructuring right now, so it’s going to be awhile before I actually know what’s going on there. I absolutely know that I’m ready to move into a bigger position with more responsibilities, but I’m going to have to be patient to see what those new positions are going to look like and making any decisions on if they’re something I want to be doing or not. So there’s that. This entire paragraph was A LOT and it was really heavy. Not sarcastic and snarky at all. WHO HAVE I BECOME!?!?
As far as the relationships side of things, I’ve been a real asshole lately. I say this regularly, but I think it’s worth repeating. I have the best friends in the whole world ever, and this is only shown more by the fact that they still hang out with me and like me when I’m being an insufferable bitch face. I’m thankful for them every single day. And also wonder what I could have possibly done in a previous life to get to be surrounded by this many awesome people on a daily basis. I’m just being hateful for the sake of being hateful lately and that’s not really okay. I’m completely honest with myself and know that I’m never going to be a ray of sunshine kind of person, but I need to do better. So this is what I’m working on.
Also today I signed up for online dating again. Because I really don’t want to die alone and stuff. And I’m very concerned that is a serious possibility for me. So, back to the internets I go. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m looking for from it really. Hannah best describes what I want in my life. So we’ll see how all that goes.
Did this entire post without even apologizing for not being here for like 6 months. Because I’m clearly not sorry.