I’m Weak.

Right after the New Year I decided I was going to take myself off all the dating sites. And then realized I was on them ALL. Tinder, Hinge, OKCupid, Match, eHarmony….I had a profile on FIVE dating apparatuses and not one single date. It was time-consuming, and I was getting nothing out of it. So I decided I was deleting all of them, living my life, and I was going to meet someone out in the wild. People did it forever. Like, ten years ago people were almost exclusively meeting each other and falling in love out in the real world. It HAS to still be possible. And I was going to do it.

I started getting out of my car and going INTO Starbucks to get my morning coffee. Maybe I’ll meet someone in an adorable way in a Starbucks!! But you know what….normal people that I would be interested in dating are going through the drive thru. Because it’s freakin’ 2015 and we love drive thrus.

I saw a really dreamy guy at ChickFilA. We made eye contact and smiled…but how do you approach a dude at a ChickFilA!? “Hey….those waffle fries look really hot…” NO! I hear of things like people meeting at random places such as ChickFilA, but I’m CERTAIN those are urban legends. No normal person has ever walked up to a cute guy and his friends at ChickFilA and it wasn’t the creepiest thing that ever happened.

Well kids, yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I don’t actively HATE Valentine’s Day like a lot of my single sisters. I think any day that encourages people to be nicer to each other is a good thing. But I will tell you that no matter how you look at it, when you’re single Valentine’s Day is just a really unwelcome reminder of HOW single you are. And I’m the MOST single. It’s not like I have some dudes on the back burner, I don’t have any booty calls hangin’ around, I have no one pursuing me. I am as completely and utterly single as a girl can be.

Now add some alcohol to that realization. I am the MOST single, I’m drunk, and I’m looking at my social media seeing alllllll of the roses (What is it about roses that makes girls have to immediately take a picture for Facebook!? I’m not even mad, I’m just amazed by their power.) and fancy dinners, and general coupley adorableness.

And the next thing you know I’m signing up for match.com.

I immediately regretted the decision. Within 30 seconds of me signing up I receive a message from a 47 year old balding man in BFE Missouri with the username “YourPerfectPackage” telling me he’d love to take me out. NO. No, no, no, PerfectPackage.

I just feel like if I’m not DOING something about being single…I’m going to be single forever. Clearly I don’t have the chutzpah to approach someone in the wild. I wish I was the girl urban legends were made of, but clearly I’m just not. So here I am. Still living my life with the potential of meeting someone in an adorable way at a Starbucks, but also taking it to ONE online dating apparatus to see if maybe that’s the way I should go about this. I just feel like there HAS to be a Jim to my Pam out there somewhere. And when I find him and figure out what in the fuck he has been doing for all these years I’m going to be LIT.

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Words and ideas can change the world.

I thought about deleting this blog and just starting fresh. But that seems like a LOT of work, and frankly I’m just too lazy for all that.

My heart is HEAVY this week and there are too many thoughts and feels for Twitter or Instagram or Facebook. So here we are. Reunited again.

Between what’s happening in Ferguson  and Robin Williams suicide, I just feel like the world is such a mess. We need to be having talks about mental health and education, and respectfully talking to each other about racism. But instead an absurdly talented and successful man took his own life because he felt like there was no other way and an entire portion of St. Louis is in upheaval in the name of justice.

I don’t know what happened to Michael Brown. In all honesty, NONE of us do. Do I think it was right? Absolutely not. Do I think vandalizing and looting, destroying an entire community, and fighting each other is going to fix the problem, bring this young man back, or change the racist minds of ignorant individuals in this country? Not at all. It breaks my heart and makes me incredibly sad for us as human beings. Being angry is okay. Wanting answers is okay. Protesting is OKAY. But the actions being taken out of that anger right now are not the solution. It’s not helping his family with the incredible loss they’re facing. It’s not bringing peace to an already unbearable situation. I don’t know what the answer is. But I know this isn’t it.

Depression is an altogether different beast. I KNOW depression first hand. It is ugly, and it makes you believe unfathomable things. The fact that someone so brilliant, so successful, with the ability to get all the help in the world was unable to beat this monster is a true testament to how powerful it really is. It’s a fight every. single. day. for those going through it. And it is HARD to find the strength to reach out for help on the days when you’re not sure if you can fight it on your own. There are resources and there are hotlines(1.800.273.8255). and there are more people willing to help than you can even imagine. And sometimes you have to let other people fight for you. But it’s WORTH IT. Fight. And when you can’t fight, reach out to someone….ANYONE…to do the fighting for you.

This world is a scary place, and I wish I knew how to fix this stuff. But I think in the end it comes down to all of us, every single person, just being a better human. Show a little more kindness to those around you. Listen to people with an open mind; have the willingness to-for one second-think of things from a view other than your own. Be good to each other and good to yourself. Because goodness and kindness matter. Always.

Really try to do this...especially when I am in my workplace because my greeting, words,  and or actions could really make a difference to someone. Either for the good or bad. Same goes when I (we) are out at the grocery store ie whatever have you...I always try or look for a way to brighten, whatever person I am talking to at the moment, there day in some way. Even if that is "extra brightness" haha. (: ♡

 

15 Thing Friday

1. SNOW DAY!!!!!!!

2. Since starting my new position at work, I have not been in the office a single Friday. I am in NO WAY upset about this. I think I may make it a goal of mine to keep this trend going and see how long I can make it. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

3. I have to move. Next weekend. I knew moving was a possibility, but it’s happened a lot quicker than anticipated. I have not packed a SINGLE thing. In fact, this house is a disaster. Whoops.

4. You’re welcome. http://www.buzzfeed.com/chelseamarshall/the-most-awkward-dogs-of-2013

This guy who doesn't care if you think he's being "rude" or "awkward."

5.  Who watched the Sound of Music last night?? I LOVE Carrie. She is flawless. But YIKES. I’ll be honest, I’ve never seen the movie or the musical, so I have nothing to compare it to. But that was BAD.

6.  I’m in the middle of the 10 day Advocare cleanse. I’m not eating clean like I’m supposed to….but the Advocare girl I work with said that’s fine. I feel lighter. It may be because I was literally eating around 5000 calories a day, and now I’m eating around 1500. But still. I feel good. The fiber drink is DISGUSTING. And the herbal cleanse pills I have to take at night smell AWFUL. But it’s really not bad. I recommend it. You’ll feel lighter.

7. This kitten is wearing underwear. (Thanks Ella!)

8. I’ve recently and inexplicably become obsessed with Courtney Kerr. Overly excited about her new show.

9. At first I planned to do laundry and start packing today. Then I realized that is NOT what snow days are about. So I’ve caught up on my programs, snuggled up on the couch, and ate pizza (all while “working” from home, obviously). I can pack all weekend. Whatevs.

10. Tinder is getting creepier and creepier. So there’s that.

11. I’m also obsessed with Amy Poehler. OBSESSED.

12. I made it through 11 things without apologizing for being so bad at blogging and being absent for so long. But now the guilt has gotten to me. I’M SORRY!

13. I’m really torn between wanting to make myself look really pretty and go out and get roaring drunk tonight, and refusing to change out of my pajamas and staying on my couch ALLLLLLL day & night. Life is full of so many hard decisions.

14. My dog is the most adorable thing in the whole world.

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15. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND MY FRIENDS!!!!

15 Thing Friday

This was drafted yesterday and apparently I forgot to post it. WHOOPS. 15 Thing Saturday. WHATEVS.

1. This. Tonight. I CANNOT WAIT.

2. This week seemed to go on forever, yes? Could not be happier to have FINALLY made it to Friday.

3.  GUYS. Next week is THANKSGIVING. What!?

4. Because next week is Thanksgiving I get to head to Tennessee to hang out with my best friend and then North Carolina to see my MOMMA next week!!! I’m so excited!!

5. Watched this video before I got out of bed yesterday. Starting your day BAWLING is exactly the way to do it.

6. Watched THIS video when I got home from work yesterday. ALSO ended in me bawling. And I don’t have kids. And I don’t think it’s supposed to make me sad. I have ALL. THE. FEELS.

7. I love Jennifer Lawrence.

8. I’ve gotten to work from home the last two Friday mornings. I cannot tell you how bombass this is. Working while laying in my bed in pajamas is EXPONENTIALLY better than doing the exact same work dressed and in the office.

9. David Freese is leaving. Thank God. SEEEE YA!!!

10. My dog turned 7 last weekend. I was kind of a wreck and forgot to throw her a birthday party. Reason 4 million that I’m not ready to have actual children.

11. Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to come up with FIFTEEN things to tell you guys!? It’s really hard.

12. I know I mentioned I made banana bread earlier this week. I’ve been just grabbing a slice and heading out the door. Today I warmed it up and put some almond butter on it and it was THE BEST THING EVER. I only have one slice left. WHY did it take me this long to make it this delicious!? I suck.

13. I have not worked out once this week. So that’s a big fat fail.

14. I’m out of things to talk to you about. Enjoy this shirtless Tim Riggins photo.Tim Riggins 6

15.  TEAM GALE.

What I Want Wednesday

Hello again, friends! Great to see you, hope you’re having an awesome week.

So a bunch of the blogs I follow have a catchy little post on Wednesdays….the most popular seem to be “What I Ate Wednesday” or “WTF Wednesday.”

I eat my breakfast in the car on the way to work (although I’m nomming on Low Fat Banana Bread (minus nuts…no thanks) from Skinnytaste this week and it is THE BOMB), I have a frozen meal for lunch, and odds are I’m eating cereal for dinner tonight. NOT the ideal blog post. Although it sounds like focusing on eating in a more nutritious manner should probably be a blog topic of its own. Yikes!

I could FOR SURE do a WTF Wednesday post because I wonder WTF is going on around me at least 47 times a day. But I already stole 15 Thing Friday from Cely, and she’s probably going to sue me for trying to recreate her blog soon if I don’t knock it off. So that’s out too.

Turns out, I want a bunch of stuff. So I’ve decided to go with a What I Want Wednesday post. Let’s not get crazy, I probably won’t be back with another for about a month. But I’m here today, so let’s treasure the time we get to spend together by talking about the stuff I want.

1. High boot socks. I think this look is ADORABLE and I need to rock it. I love the cheap boot socks, and I love the more expensive boot socks. And everything in-between. I’m not picky. Moral of the story is I need ALL the boot socks.

2. A sassy new work bag. I just started in a new position at work that entails dragging my laptop and planner and notebooks and 2 million other things to meetings out of the office all the time. This clearly means I need an adorable new bag to tote all these items around in. I’m really leaning towards purchasing this bag. But if someone wants to throw down some for my cause to get me this bag I def won’t be upset. Think about it.

3. An adorable monogrammed phone case. I haven’t really jumped on the monogram train up until this point. But now I’m IN. Want.

Chevron Monogram Design 107

Happy Wednesday kids!

Dang.

Y’all. That post yesterday was NOT meant to be that dramatic. I have caused a panic among my friends, and while I REALLY do appreciate how much people care about me, that was NOT my intent! I really am fine, I promise. I just have a little work to do to get me to really good. And I would much rather be really good than just fine.

I should have just had a full post of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures yesterday. I knew it.

Tim Riggins 3

Tim Riggins

Tim Riggins 4

Tim Riggins 7

This is basically the holy grail of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures.
This is basically the holy grail of shirtless Tim Riggins pictures.

You are good and fine.

Well hello there, my long-lost friends. Revamped the blog today. We are starting fresh, I’m feeling good about it, and I have every intention in the world of being here on a regular basis again. Broken promises…..

I’m kind of more of a disaster than usual. I’ve recognized things going downhill for a minute now, but this weekend I really looked around and realized I HAVE to do something about it. I am to the point that unless I absolutely have to, I will NOT leave my house. I cancelled plans and spent the ENTIRE day today on my couch watching Friday Night Lights. That’s not right.

I mean, who can blame me? Tim Riggins. SWOON.
I mean, who can blame me? Tim Riggins. SWOON.

 

I wake up in the middle of the night with my mind RACING and can’t fall back to sleep for hours. The only thing that calms me down is repeating “You are good and fine.” over and over Hannah OCD style. This is not right.

So the moral of this really SAD post, that really wasn’t supposed to be SUCH a Debbie Downer, is that it’s time for me to make some changes and get myself back together. So that’s what’s going to happen. And I’m going to be here to keep you guys updated on my progress.

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.

I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer.

Oh, hey. Great to see you!! How’s your summer going?? So much has happened since the last time I was here!! (I’m obviously avoiding talking about and subsequently having to apologize for not being here in MONTHS. You avoid it too.)

I’m a concert-going machine. I’m working on my fitness and trying SO HARD to eat healthier. I’m not doing great at any of these things, but I’m TRYING!! Let me quickly catch you up on what’s been going on around here. (These aren’t in order because I’m too dumb/lazy. You just have to get over it.)

100

The American Cancer Society turned 100 years old. I seriously feel so blessed on a regular basis that I get to work for this amazing organization with these amazing people. Our birthday was definitely one of those days that gave me the warm fuzzies.

Bags

It rained on Memorial Day. Approximately 4 minutes after we set up bags in the backyard. The obvious solution was to move all the furniture in my dining room and living room and play indoor bags. My friends are probably more fun than your friends.

Bday

It was my birthday!!!!

Brad

I got the Country Megaticket this year. This basically means I go to a country concert every other week. So, what I’m saying is that my life is awesome. This was Brad Paisley.

Kayla Bday

It was Kayla’s birthday!!

Lake

We took a girls trip to Lake of the Ozarks. It was AHMAHZING. We’re going back for part 2 in July and I am counting down the days.

Nicole

My pal Nicole played a show at Sports Cafe and it was a BLAST. She’s so talented it’s pretty stupid. Once again, I love my friends. Annnnnnd Mary is taking a shot out of a mug. That’s real life.

Tim

Tim McGraw concert!!

Zac BrownZac Brown Band concert!!

I really am going to try to do a better job at this whole blogging thing. If you’ve stuck around this long, you’re a freakin’ rockstar and I love you. If you’re new here, welcome!! Don’t read all my apologies about how sucky I am and keep thinking I’m awesome instead.

I’ll see you all soon. This I promise you.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

When I make any big changes in my life, I feel like it always leads to me taking a look at my life; where I am, where I want to be going, my relationships. Blah, blah, blah.

I’ve been kind of a miserable bitch the last week or so. I haven’t been taking care of myself physically or emotionally and I can tell a HUGE difference in the way I’m treating people around me. I don’t feel good about myself, and I’m putting that onto everyone who is unfortunate enough to come in contact with me. I took today to kind of get my life and myself together, and to reevaluate some things that I want to be doing.

I’m starting to feel somewhat complacent. I feel like I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t have any goals that I’m working towards, any ambitions, anything really. Recently I’ve started to notice how much I admire people around me who are clearly driven, and it’s made me take a hard look at myself and realize that I’m currently not one of those people. I never want to be someone who stays where they are without any drive to do more with their life. So I’m going to make some changes on that end. I need to start writing more…both here and for myself. I had looked into doing some freelance type writing in the past, and that’s something I plan to pursue again. I’m seriously considering going back to school in the fall. It is LONG over due. My job is in a weird place of restructuring right now, so it’s going to be awhile before I actually know what’s going on there. I absolutely know that I’m ready to move into a bigger position with more responsibilities, but I’m going to have to be patient to see what those new positions are going to look like and making any decisions on if they’re something I want to be doing or not. So there’s that. This entire paragraph was A LOT and it was really heavy. Not sarcastic and snarky at all. WHO HAVE I BECOME!?!?

The 23 Most Relatable Hannah Quotes From "Girls"

As far as the relationships side of things, I’ve been a real asshole lately. I say this regularly, but I think it’s worth repeating. I have the best friends in the whole world ever, and this is only shown more by the fact that they still hang out with me and like me when I’m being an insufferable bitch face. I’m thankful for them every single day. And also wonder what I could have possibly done in a previous life to get to be surrounded by this many awesome people on a daily basis. I’m just being hateful for the sake of being hateful lately and that’s not really okay. I’m completely honest with myself and know that I’m never going to be a ray of sunshine kind of person, but I need to do better. So this is what I’m working on.

Also today I signed up for online dating again. Because I really don’t want to die alone and stuff. And I’m very concerned that is a serious possibility for me. So, back to the internets I go. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m looking for from it really. Hannah best describes what I want in my life. So we’ll see how all that goes.

The 23 Most Relatable Hannah Quotes From "Girls"

 

Did this entire post without even apologizing for not being here for like 6 months. Because I’m clearly not sorry.

LOVEYOUBYE!!

Mandatory Happy New Year post.

Happy New Year, my loves!!!

I refuse to make resolutions because I suck at them and will ultimately end up ruining them within the first week of this sparkly new year, and feeling bad about myself and my ability to stick to something is just not how I like to start my year off. So I just don’t do it.

I do absolutely love the fresh start of a new year, and there are definitely some things I’m planning to work on this year. But a. I want to reiterate they are NOT resolutions. and b. I’m not listing them all out for you so that if I end this year being the same asshole I was last year, you can’t throw it in my face. 🙂

I have a good feeling about 2013. It’s going to go well for me, I can feel it. I hope it’s amazing for us all. We deserve it.

Words to live by