You are good and fine.

Well hello there, my long-lost friends. Revamped the blog today. We are starting fresh, I’m feeling good about it, and I have every intention in the world of being here on a regular basis again. Broken promises…..

I’m kind of more of a disaster than usual. I’ve recognized things going downhill for a minute now, but this weekend I really looked around and realized I HAVE to do something about it. I am to the point that unless I absolutely have to, I will NOT leave my house. I cancelled plans and spent the ENTIRE day today on my couch watching Friday Night Lights. That’s not right.

I mean, who can blame me? Tim Riggins. SWOON.
I mean, who can blame me? Tim Riggins. SWOON.

 

I wake up in the middle of the night with my mind RACING and can’t fall back to sleep for hours. The only thing that calms me down is repeating “You are good and fine.” over and over Hannah OCD style. This is not right.

So the moral of this really SAD post, that really wasn’t supposed to be SUCH a Debbie Downer, is that it’s time for me to make some changes and get myself back together. So that’s what’s going to happen. And I’m going to be here to keep you guys updated on my progress.

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can’t lose.

Hey y’all!! It’s 15 Thing Friday!!

1. I have now written two blog posts in three days. That is roughly (I’m just estimating here) 2395 times more than I’ve done in months. WHY AM I SO AWESOME!?

2. We’ve started a new tradition at our house. It’s Champagne Thursday. I encourage you all you join in this gloriousness with us.

bottles

3. LUKE BRYAN CONCERT TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t think it’s even possible for me to put in to words HOW excited I am. So I’m not even going to try.

4. Cannot decide how I feel about these animals. But I think I need one. http://www.buzzfeed.com/nikkik5/skinny-pigs-make-everyones-day-better-b9e6

5. This.

6. I am wearing a bright pink tuxedo t-shirt at work today. You wish you were this awesome.

tuxedo

7. I’m trying to eat Paleo. I’ll have a whole post about this for you soon. I’m currently eating Jimmy John’s. So that’s how that is going.

8. I DID wake up early enough to work out before work this morning though. What I’m trying to say is I’m awesome.

9. Sometimes I go out for romantic dinners.

Romance

10. I have ZERO plans tomorrow. I would like to tell you this means I’m going to be WILDLY productive with no distractions. What it really means is I will lay on the couch in my underwear all day. Just keepin’ it real.

11. Remember when I told you about Lentil?? He had his surgery and is doing SO. WELL. It makes my heart smile!!

Lentil

12. Coming up with 15 things to tell you after I haven’t been here for so long is just REALLY hard. I’m out of practice

13. Hey, did I tell you guys I’m going to see Luke Bryan tonight?

14.  I hope you have a great weekend.

15. 

I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer.

Oh, hey. Great to see you!! How’s your summer going?? So much has happened since the last time I was here!! (I’m obviously avoiding talking about and subsequently having to apologize for not being here in MONTHS. You avoid it too.)

I’m a concert-going machine. I’m working on my fitness and trying SO HARD to eat healthier. I’m not doing great at any of these things, but I’m TRYING!! Let me quickly catch you up on what’s been going on around here. (These aren’t in order because I’m too dumb/lazy. You just have to get over it.)

100

The American Cancer Society turned 100 years old. I seriously feel so blessed on a regular basis that I get to work for this amazing organization with these amazing people. Our birthday was definitely one of those days that gave me the warm fuzzies.

Bags

It rained on Memorial Day. Approximately 4 minutes after we set up bags in the backyard. The obvious solution was to move all the furniture in my dining room and living room and play indoor bags. My friends are probably more fun than your friends.

Bday

It was my birthday!!!!

Brad

I got the Country Megaticket this year. This basically means I go to a country concert every other week. So, what I’m saying is that my life is awesome. This was Brad Paisley.

Kayla Bday

It was Kayla’s birthday!!

Lake

We took a girls trip to Lake of the Ozarks. It was AHMAHZING. We’re going back for part 2 in July and I am counting down the days.

Nicole

My pal Nicole played a show at Sports Cafe and it was a BLAST. She’s so talented it’s pretty stupid. Once again, I love my friends. Annnnnnd Mary is taking a shot out of a mug. That’s real life.

Tim

Tim McGraw concert!!

Zac BrownZac Brown Band concert!!

I really am going to try to do a better job at this whole blogging thing. If you’ve stuck around this long, you’re a freakin’ rockstar and I love you. If you’re new here, welcome!! Don’t read all my apologies about how sucky I am and keep thinking I’m awesome instead.

I’ll see you all soon. This I promise you.

I got you something. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Guys. Yesterday’s post kind of blew. Somehow I gained a handful of new followers, and people liked it?? If you’re new here, welcome! Know that things will (hopefully) be better than what you saw yesterday.

After that Debbie Downer I gave y’all last night, I just felt like I should give you something to make up for it today. So, without further ado, I give you Lentil.

Lentil is a French Bulldog who was born with a cleft palate. And the love of my life.

I am obsessed with him. I can’t stop talking about him, and showing everyone I know pictures of him, and LOVING EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. I should run his marketing campaign because I’ve single-handedly gotten him at LEAST 10 new likes on his tiny Lentil Facebook page since stumbling upon his story last week.

Like I said, you’re welcome.

Goodnight pals!!

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

When I make any big changes in my life, I feel like it always leads to me taking a look at my life; where I am, where I want to be going, my relationships. Blah, blah, blah.

I’ve been kind of a miserable bitch the last week or so. I haven’t been taking care of myself physically or emotionally and I can tell a HUGE difference in the way I’m treating people around me. I don’t feel good about myself, and I’m putting that onto everyone who is unfortunate enough to come in contact with me. I took today to kind of get my life and myself together, and to reevaluate some things that I want to be doing.

I’m starting to feel somewhat complacent. I feel like I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I don’t have any goals that I’m working towards, any ambitions, anything really. Recently I’ve started to notice how much I admire people around me who are clearly driven, and it’s made me take a hard look at myself and realize that I’m currently not one of those people. I never want to be someone who stays where they are without any drive to do more with their life. So I’m going to make some changes on that end. I need to start writing more…both here and for myself. I had looked into doing some freelance type writing in the past, and that’s something I plan to pursue again. I’m seriously considering going back to school in the fall. It is LONG over due. My job is in a weird place of restructuring right now, so it’s going to be awhile before I actually know what’s going on there. I absolutely know that I’m ready to move into a bigger position with more responsibilities, but I’m going to have to be patient to see what those new positions are going to look like and making any decisions on if they’re something I want to be doing or not. So there’s that. This entire paragraph was A LOT and it was really heavy. Not sarcastic and snarky at all. WHO HAVE I BECOME!?!?

The 23 Most Relatable Hannah Quotes From "Girls"

As far as the relationships side of things, I’ve been a real asshole lately. I say this regularly, but I think it’s worth repeating. I have the best friends in the whole world ever, and this is only shown more by the fact that they still hang out with me and like me when I’m being an insufferable bitch face. I’m thankful for them every single day. And also wonder what I could have possibly done in a previous life to get to be surrounded by this many awesome people on a daily basis. I’m just being hateful for the sake of being hateful lately and that’s not really okay. I’m completely honest with myself and know that I’m never going to be a ray of sunshine kind of person, but I need to do better. So this is what I’m working on.

Also today I signed up for online dating again. Because I really don’t want to die alone and stuff. And I’m very concerned that is a serious possibility for me. So, back to the internets I go. I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m looking for from it really. Hannah best describes what I want in my life. So we’ll see how all that goes.

The 23 Most Relatable Hannah Quotes From "Girls"

 

Did this entire post without even apologizing for not being here for like 6 months. Because I’m clearly not sorry.

LOVEYOUBYE!!

Mandatory Happy New Year post.

Happy New Year, my loves!!!

I refuse to make resolutions because I suck at them and will ultimately end up ruining them within the first week of this sparkly new year, and feeling bad about myself and my ability to stick to something is just not how I like to start my year off. So I just don’t do it.

I do absolutely love the fresh start of a new year, and there are definitely some things I’m planning to work on this year. But a. I want to reiterate they are NOT resolutions. and b. I’m not listing them all out for you so that if I end this year being the same asshole I was last year, you can’t throw it in my face. 🙂

I have a good feeling about 2013. It’s going to go well for me, I can feel it. I hope it’s amazing for us all. We deserve it.

Words to live by

15 Thing Friday…remember when I did stuff like this??

1. This is the THIRD DAY IN A ROW I’ve written a post. The only explanation is it’s a Christmas miracle directly to you from bebe Jesus. Thank him.

2. I’m going to the movies tonight for the third time in less than a week. I might have a problem with cinematic adventures.

PicMonkey Collage

3. I slept for 12 full hours last night. I am not ill. It was GLORRRRRIOUS.

4. This week has taught me I am not so good with the down time, all the time. I’ve made a budget for the first 4 months of 2013. (I was going to go for 6 months, but more likely than not I’ll be moving in April, so all of my expenses will be changing and I’m not trying to do this twice. Math blows.) I’ve started working on my Maid of Honor duties for my roommate’s wedding in September. I’ve obviously been hanging out with you folks more. I’ve eaten A LOT. Notice that I’ve done no type of physical activity? I’M ON VACATION!!!!

5. Anytime anyone types in all caps and/or yells in real life, all I can think about is Patrice.

6. Have I told you guys yet that all I want in life is a Barney Stinson kind of love?? This scene. I die.


(That video SUUUUUCKS, but it was the best I could find. Shut up.)

7. I’m taking my mom shopping tomorrow in an attempt to vamp up her wardrobe. I feel like Cher Horowitz and she’s my Tai.

8. RIP Brittany Murphy. Taken too soon.

9.  Guess what ya’ll? I have ZERO stress about my plans for NYE. As previously discussed, NYE blows. I shall be at home with my madre, in my pajamas, getting drunnnnnk, eating shitty food, and watching movies. I’m SO. EXCITED.

10. When you basically haven’t interacted with anyone but your mom and dogs for almost a week, it is INCREDIBLY difficult to come up with 15 interesting things to tell strangers about.

11. WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AFTER PUTTING MAKEUP ON

12. You’re welcome.

enhanced-buzz-15932-1356106146-1

13. A version of this list was given to me by a coworker months ago, and my roommate and I now keep it on our refrigerator year round. You should read it. And then do it. You’re welcome.

14. I’m contemplating doing a 3 day juice cleanse when I get home. Anyone done a juice cleanse? Thoughts? Other than how dumb it sounds. I’ve already had that thought for myself, thankyouverymuch.

15. Bless our hearts, I made it and you read all this nonsense. You’re awesome.

Snowflake Project

Hi friends!! Just stopping by really quickly to tell you about something I saw today and think is really cool.

I think it’s fairly obvious, even through this anonymous kind of forum, that I don’t do a lot of the feelings. It’s just not my thing. I prefer my “don’t give no fuuuucks” attitude of living. Sometimes things happen that break through that stupid wall I have up and give me all the feels and I don’t know what to do about it.

What happened at Sandy Hook Elementary this month was one of those things. It literally makes my heart hurt every time I think about it. I still think about it on a daily basis and can’t catch my breath. It’s infuriating to me that someone could walk into a school and cause such terror for those children. On Christmas day I found myself appreciating my mom a little more while my heart broke thinking about those parents who didn’t get to spend Christmas with their FIRST GRADE CHILDREN because of this senselessness. There really are not sufficient words in the English language to describe something like this.

Today, I read about the Snowflake Project on Julie’s blog and I think it’s perfect. The children who previously attended Sandy Hook will be heading back to a new elementary school after the holidays. The PTA in Newtown has started this project to decorate the hallways of this new school for the students of Sandy Hook. Snowflakes will be accepted until January 12, 2013. Please mail your snowflakes to:

Connecticut PTSA
60 Connolly Parkway 
Building 12, Suite 103
Camden, CT 06514
 
paper snowflake

I know that this isn’t going to change the tragic events that took place on December 14, but I feel like it’s a small thing that can be done to make things just a little bit more magical for those kids who have to be scared to death to go back to school. And if anyone deserves a little magic right now, it’s them. Hands down.

newtown_ct_children

For more information on the Snowflake Project you can visit these websites.

There’s no place like home for the holidays.

Happy Christmas friends!! I hope you all had a glorious day with your families and that Santa was very, very good to you because you deserve it. You’re good peeps.

I got to North Carolina on Saturday and I’m here until next Wednesday and I couldn’t be happier.

Christmas pajamas for everyone!!
Christmas pajamas for everyone!!



This is exactly what I needed to take a step back from things, spend some good quality time with my momma,  and re-evaluate some life choices. I feel like when I’m here I get a lot of time to look at my life from a different perspective, and kind of rearrange where some of my priorities lie. I welcome this  obnoxious introspective attitude with open arms this year. I’m starting to feel really cranky and complacent with where I am in my life, so I’m looking forward to coming back to the Midwest with a renewed sense of who I am and what I want to be doing.

Also, I got a Keurig for Christmas. So I’m pretty stoked to come back with that too.

Keurig

It never comes easily. And when it does I’m already gone.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Alright y’all. Let’s get real. I have an ugly, dark, dirty secret to tell you guys.

I am on the Match.com. I am online dating. AND IT F’ING SUCKS BALLS. I hate the Match. It gives me really low self-esteem (like I need help with THAT), it is full of creepy weirdo creeps, I feel like more of a perfectionist writing and rewriting my stupid profile than I’ve ever felt in my whole life ever, and I hate it. I signed up for the 3 month membership because I’m a baller on a budget and it was clearly the most fiscally responsible choice and I am counting down the days until this God awful membership expires. COUNTING. DOWN. THE. DAYS.

This secret I’m telling you just as a precursor to what I really want to talk to you about. I was quasi-dumped. Not really, real life dumped because we were just dating. But still. It happened. And it sucks. And I had a completely irrational overly emotional breakdown because of it yesterday and now I’m trying to make better life choices and pull myself together. I believe I’ve touched on some of my issues in the past but just to catch you up I’m a hot hot mess of daddy issues, abandonment issues, trust issues, and have a deep-rooted fear of commitment.

If we’re being honest I’m not upset that I’m not dating this boy anymore. I’m mostly upset by the way it all went down. I had only recently decided that I even remotely liked him. He was too short (shut it, Ella), he was not funny, and there was just no way he was going to be able to deal with me and all of this mess. After meeting him every one of my friends told me, “He’s nice! He’s not for you, but he’s nice.” For someone, somewhere, someday, he’s going to be the perfect guy. But I am not the girl. The short thing isn’t a deal breaker. I’m short. It’s fine. That one I could totally deal with. But I am FUNNY you guys. The bar is set high. And this dude had NO HOPE of keeping up. I’m not asking for someone to be as funny as I am. But I need someone to at least come close, and to have the quick wit to be able to jump in every once in a while. He did not. I also need someone who can properly deal with my bullshit. He definitely could have put up with it. But there are times when I push it just to see how far I can go with something. I am fully aware I’m doing it, and I HAVE to have someone who will call me out on it at a certain point or it won’t end well. He never would have, and I would have taken FULL advantage of that fact. Like I said, he wasn’t the one for me. I know this. I’m not upset I’m not with HIM anymore.

I am a hot mess. I think we’ve covered this. I like to be in control and have the upper hand in a relationship. The fact that this bro decided HE was done talking to ME sent me over the edge a little. Also, that he was not grown enough to TELL ME he was done talking to me and just stopped responding to any attempts I made to contact him for over a week make him a small tiny little man who I have no interest in dating, but that is neither here nor there. Not responding to any of my texts for a week, then responding to my f off, I’m done, you’re not acting like a grown up email within 20 minutes was completely absurd. The fact that his reason for not wanting to date me was that he felt un-included around my friends caused me RAGE. All of these emotions along with the issues I touched on earlier and my need for control in a relationship just sent me into a downward emotional spiral that lasted all day yesterday.

And it got to last all day yesterday. But that is IT. I am having no more emotional breakdowns over this. I allowed this DUDE, that I fully realize was kind of a waste of my time, to be this toxic THING in my life all week last week while I stressed out over him not calling, or texting, or wanting to hang out with me. THEN I let him be the reason I spent all day yesterday crying like an emotional train wreck, eating my feelings, and drinking wine. WTF!? I have a GOOD LIFE. I fully realize that, and I’m not going to let some boy turn me into a disaster and make me forget that.

I need to remember this more often.

I got up this morning ready to do me. Put myself together (except for wearing my glasses…crying for a full day is not great for the contact situation) and wore a sparkly new outfit to work. I’m going to seriously work on blogging on a more regular basis because I really do enjoy it. I need some type of “boys suck” change to my appearance, my only thought thus far has been changing my nose ring from a stud to a hoop, any other suggestions are welcome. I’m going to the gym after work today, followed by grocery shopping for healthy foods and picking up Christmas cards. I plan to go home and do a little self-improvement tonight. All forward motion!!

So that’s my story. Match sucks, I have far too many issues to work out on this blog, and I dated a silly little boy for longer than I ever should have. Tomorrow will be less woe is me, more picturey, and FAR less wordy. Thanks for listening friends.