8. I’ve gotten to work from home the last two Friday mornings. I cannot tell you how bombass this is. Working while laying in my bed in pajamas is EXPONENTIALLY better than doing the exact same work dressed and in the office.
9. David Freese is leaving. Thank God. SEEEE YA!!!
10. My dog turned 7 last weekend. I was kind of a wreck and forgot to throw her a birthday party. Reason 4 million that I’m not ready to have actual children.
11. Have I ever mentioned how hard it is to come up with FIFTEEN things to tell you guys!? It’s really hard.
12. I know I mentioned I made banana bread earlier this week. I’ve been just grabbing a slice and heading out the door. Today I warmed it up and put some almond butter on it and it was THE BEST THING EVER. I only have one slice left. WHY did it take me this long to make it this delicious!? I suck.
13. I have not worked out once this week. So that’s a big fat fail.
14. I’m out of things to talk to you about. Enjoy this shirtless Tim Riggins photo.
Holy Mother of Jesus. In the name of Thanksgiving and the holiday season, let us choose to be THANKFUL that I am here, writing a blog post for the first time in far too long and not talk shit on how bad I am at having a blog. Deal? Great!
It has been almost EXACTLY a month since I’ve been here, so let me just catch you up on my life right quick. A bulleted list, you say you’d like to see? Your wish is my command, friends.
It was Halloween. I was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Donatello. The smartest turtle. Obviously.) and my dog was a pig…in a tutu. On Halloween the roomie and I hid from trick or treaters, drank wine, ate candy, and watched Hocus Pocus. Then I had to go to bed at like 8 pm because I ate candy all day and gave myself a tummy ache. One day, I’ll be a grown up.
I got my wisdom teeth pulled. And then the next day, I got some weird stomach flu situation and threw up for a day and half. It was AWESOME.
Barack won the election. This made me joyful.
My dog turned 6. So of course I had a birthday party for her complete with all of her dog friends, decorations, party hats, a dog cake, candles, and forcing everyone to sing the happy birthday song to her. Duh.
Acted real grown and got myself a doctor this week, just because I feel like when you’re a grown up you should have one of those. Found out I am officially overweight and have a high cholesterol. I’m 26. Soooooo, that sucks.
It was Thanksgiving. The first without Truman’s bah humbug self. And my mom was in NC all by herself and I was here. It was kind of a sad little holiday. I spent the day with my best frienn and her family, and I’m real glad they take me in every year. Also, every time I would tell someone what an orphan I was for Thanksgiving, they would invite me to their Thanksgiving. It made me feel real popular and stuff. So that’s neat.
So I believe this catches you up on what’s happened around these parts. I gave myself until today to eat crappy and be a lazy bum because it was the holiday. Now I have to start eating like a real life person and going to the gym. BLAH! Here I go to the gym. I’m not happy about this, but I am doing it. No one has time for high cholesterol at 26. NO ONE!
Guys, my life is a snoozefest. I feel like a bad blogger if I don’t write regularly, and I have “Blog” written on my To Do list for today and I HATE when I leave things un-crossed out on my To Do list. So here I am. I feel like I’m doing you a disservice by not writing anything, but really I think it’s a greater diservice to force you to read about the nothing that is happening in my life currently.
I boozed it up Wednesday for Thanksgiving Eve, as discussed, great success. I boozed it up on Thanksgiving night, I would also call that a success. I boozed it up the night after Thanksgiving. A DJ playing music straight out of my High School days, playing card games in a public bar, and $55 worth of Jack in the Box obviously made that a success as well. All of that boozing means that I spent three nights in a row drunkenly sleeping on people’s couches and leaving my dog at home with no one to snuggle with in the nighttime. So last night I was dunzo and refused to leave my house. It was such a good life choice.
I slept for 10 hours in my own bed snugglin’ with my Sopapilla and woke up feeling like a whole new person. I got up this morning and went to church, did all my laundry, deep cleaned my entire house, made a healthy menu and grocery list for this week, came up with a sweet workout schedule which is now color coded and hanging on my wall, made dinner, and now I’m boring you fine folks with all of that information you didn’t need to know in any way. You’re welcome!
I wish I could have decorated for Christmas today, but I’m waiting for my box of Christmuukah decor to be shipped to me from North Carolina. At least everything is sparkly clean and ready to be decorated. Hopefully it arrives this week and we can turn this place into a Chrismuukah wonderland.
Now I’m going to make myself some hot chocolate with 28479357 marshmallows and watch Elf. I’m obviously fully in the Christmas swing of things today. Happy Holidays pals!!
I know I’m a day late. Get off me. To be honest yesterday didn’t really feel like Thanksgiving to me in any way. This year was the first year in my 25 years of existence that I didn’t spend Thanksgiving with my mom, for reasons we don’t need to go into on the world wide web, and it just didn’t feel like Thanksgiving to me without her around. Don’t get me wrong, I have SO MUCH to be Thankful for, and I am. But I’ve just been such a hot mess for the better part of this week over my family dramatics that by yesterday all my feelings were turned off and it was just a day of me trying to not have mental breakdown for the most part.
I got home from my first ever legit Thanksgiving Eve celebration since I’ve spent every Turkey Day of drinking age in the Carolina until now. It was an absolute success. The grande size headache I had yesterday was NOT a success.
I hung out with Truman during the day. We did nothing festive in any way. I asked last week what he wanted to do for Thanksgiving and his response was, “Dunno. Sit around I guess.” Not QUITE what I was going for. I asked if he wanted me to get a small turkey and make us a Thanksgiving dinner and he informed me he does not like turkey. Or pumpkin anything. Or any of “that other Thanksgiving shit.” Got it. So, obviously, there was no Thanksgiving shit. I had planned to make us some muffins or something for breakfast at least, but my hangover prevented that from becoming a reality. My bad. So, we had TDog’s perfect Thanksgiving and sat around, just as he requested.
When 2 pm hit it was obviously Moose Lodge time for T-Dizzle. Drinking time doesn’t take a holiday guys. I then headed to my best friend’s mom’s to celebrate Thanksgiving with their family. I ate A LOT of bombass food. It did finally feel like a real holiday a little. Mostly the part where I’m so full I feel like I’m literally going to explode but I can’t stop eating. And keeping with the holiday spirit her two-year old nephew told me REPEATEDLY that he did not like me. And just for good measure shouted it one more time as he was out the door heading to the car. I’ve got a real way with kids.
We then packed up and headed to another of my best friend’s soon to be in-law’s Thanksgiving celebration. This leg of my day included a large amount of liquor and a South African. So it was obviously the best part. We all proceeded to get fairly drunk and then headed back to her house for a Thanksgiving slumber party where I got to snuggle with one of my all time fave dog friends. Life was obviously good.
That’s my fun and festive Thanksgiving recap. I now give everyone permission to get out all your tacky ass Christmas decor and blast that Mariah Carey Christmas CD for the next month. You will get no more side eye from me for it.
You guys, I have a problem. And I think some of you are involved. As an apology I will be accepting cash and Target gift cards.
No one gives a shit about Thanksgiving. Everyone just jumps right off the Halloween train and sails away on the jolly Christmas boat and forgets all about Thanksgiving, that poor bastard holiday that’s stuck right in the middle. I get it, it doesn’t have as much to offer as the other holidays.
Halloween gives you a reason to put on a stupid costume, lets chicks dress like sluts and makes it somewhat acceptable (NOT fully acceptable. I’m still judging you, hos. Put SOME clothes on, it’s cold out. And I don’t need to see all your lady bits. Sick.), you get to eat a crapload of candy, and pumpkin flavored booze is out in full force. Fun for all!!! I’m right there with you on the Halloween train. I’ll be the f’ing conductor.
Then Halloween ends. Sadness all around. This is where I veer off from all of you assholes I’m preaching at though-It’s NOT immediately time for Christmas. I should not see a Christmas tree, hear a Christmas carol or be offered a Christmas treat for one full month. Don’t think I’m a Scrooge. I love me some Christmas. I have full on Chrismuukah celebrations. I’ll decorate with the best of ’em and play Christmas songs on my iPod like it’s my job. BUT NOT UNTIL AFTER THANKSGIVING.
Yeah, Thanksgiving has less to offer. You don’t get to put on silly costumes like Halloween (UNLESS you are my dog and are lucky enough to own a pilgrim hat!!) and there aren’t as many magical decorations as there are at Christmas. Aw, a holiday about spending time with family and being THANKFUL FOR ALL YOUR BLESSINGS, how lame. Everyone is dumb. Thanksgiving should be embraced. Yeah, the history lesson behind it is jacked. As someone with a Native American background I fully appreciate that. “Let’s celebrate the white people giving the Indian’s a delicious meal then shipping them off to the shottiest bits of real estate they can find while they steal their land and their food and take advantage of their hot chicks like Pocahontas!” No. But seriously? Give the rest of it a chance. Give THANKSGIVING a chance. It deserves it.
Then the next day get all kinds of crazy over beanie babies and tickle me Elmo’s and whatever else you need to beat bitches up over at your Black Friday sales and put up all the gaudy decorations your heart desires. THAT is when Christmas season begins. Not today, folks. Not. Today.
Myself and Thanksgiving thank you for listening to our rant. Please send any and all apology gifts to my home address.